Why?

[JamieE848]

I registered here pretty much to ask this. I have never heard of any of this "wam" before a few days ago, courtesy of my bf. I think he thinks he is cleverer than he really is. I've found some very interesting things on his Internet history, including this forum (I don't think he posts here though.)  I have not said anything to him about it yet, honestly I'm nervous because i don't know what to say and I'm sure he'll be petrified if he knew that I knew. We've been going strong for over a year, so no I'm not going to stop loving him because of this, but he might be more paranoid. 

Anyway, sorry for ranting. Basically I'm just interested in knowing why you guys, my bf, others, like this. Why does it turn you guys on to see a girl look like a mess wearing ruined clothes compared to looking pretty with clean clothes, makeup, hair, like normal? And anyway don't you feel bad that all the effort that went into the girls appearance is ruined, and so are clothes (getting ready takes forever and clothes are way too expensive). And what do you want to see a girl wearing for this (I'm imagining a bunch of guys saying "nothing" - but seriously, if I'm not into getting naked then what). 

Sorry if I'm intruding or acting a bit rude just realize this is sort of a shock lol. I'll get over it though. No idea if I'd ever want to actually do this for him but I'd like to be accepting, and first I have to understand what is going through his mind. 

Thanks 

[Deprime]

I think the only one to realy answer that question is your boy. There are so many ways of wam and clothing, if I tried to name them I'd forget the most of it. I mean, I love clothes filling in sportswear, but more people like beautifull models getting pied and gunged in bikini. Other are into latex, bondage,latex, casual, nude, messy blowjobs etc.

It's just such a (new) big world for you, so I'd say talk about with your boy, orientate on the internet (Splosh and umd.net are a good place to start) and try to relax with it, wam is not only kinky but most of all, it's great fun!!

"Fetishists don't excist, but people with a fetish do"

I think there are a lot other members of this forum who can add some usefull info for you!

[lotionlatex]

Heya,

I can't speak for your boyfriend but personally its not about ruining clothes / makeup, but its more of a fun thing. Like doing something silly yyou shouldn't, a food fight for example. generally getting a bit messy is something you are told as a kid you shouldn't do so its a bit of a taboo, plus the right things can feel pretty nice

I recently told my gf about my liking for this sort of thing and it was possibly the most terrifiying thing I have ecver done I think lol, v embarrasing but luckily she was cool about it and its all worked out, she has a play with me getting messy occasionally as a treat now and she has fun but it doesn't do more for her than that. I'd say speak to your boyfreind and ask him about it, clearing the air is always the best bet and he can tell you exactly what it does for him as it varies allot.

Best of luck and well deone on being open minded enough to ask the question

[chantelle]

Hiya

I am truly a 100% Female as anyone on this forum will confirm.I have been getting messy for years and at one time also had my own website.I am 40 years old now but still love getting messy when i can purely for the fun of it.Yes for me also it also gives me an arousal but also as has already been said there is the naughty element to it as well..especially if i am out on the mudbanks and someone comes along.
I personally never did nude due mainly to my job which was sensiitive,but i specialised in pvc,leather and boots,I admit i am probably also a Boot Freak as i wear them all the time and always have done so.

It is difficult to explain to someone such as yourself just how it feels,My first love is mud but i have used virtually everything one can think of over the years and got into some right messes.

What i would suggest is think carefully before you mention anything to him..dont forget he will wonder at first how you know then realise you have been basically snooping on his computer which he may not like.

Why not suggest how would you like a jar of honey or whatever over your head when he may get get a bit arguementative and watch his reaction lol.

Dont belittle him for what yoiu have found,if you can bring yourself to join in i can assure you there is a lot of fun involved.
As for ruining clothes i got most of mine off ebay or charity shops,i also never threw anything away i knew i would not wear out again that way it keeps any costs down.

Hope this helps you a bit........have a look at the Mad Macs section on this website there are lots of old piccies of me there and believe me it is fun.

Kisses

Chantelle xx

[bosunbob]

You'll have to ask your boyfriend what his particular kink is because WAM covers a broad spectrum.

From a personal perspective then the fewer clothes the better. As to why I like it there's a few reasons, I don't take great pleasure in seing outfits ruined. I like the anticipation on a girls face just before she gets messy, its inevitable, she's nervous, knows its coming but can't do anything to stop it. That may sound sadistic but hey people watch the X-factor just to laugh at people who can't sing - if you ask me that's worse! Then when she actually gets messy the average girl will soon enough realise how ridiculous the situation is and just laughing, thats another element I like the fun. Finally from an artistic point of view when certain substances cover the skin, the skin glistens and curves are extenuated.

Best of luck with your relationship and all I'll say is, don't knock it until you've tried it.

[eden]

I have to say, if you don't want to know what your boyfriend is into, don't look through his computer or his internet history. If he doesn't have the courage to bring it up himself, he probably won't appreciate the 'Honey, I know what you're into,' conversation. Be glad you didn't find photos of him doing pony-play with his old geography teacher.

That said, I agree with bosunbob. There is a carefree, ridiculous aspect to WAM that I enjoy, though I do like wearing cute and sexy outfits. And not to blow my own trumpet, but I'm a pretty decent looking young woman - it's not all men here. I won't try to explain it - I don't believe you *can* explain many fetishes properly, as there are so many elements to each of them For example, with WAM, as you've seen, some people like ruined clothes, some don't. Some like the slapstick element, some don't. Some people like mud, some people like custard, some people like slime, beans, treacle, foam, whatever. Don't knock something until you've tried it. When your boyfriend is ready to 'come out,' if you want to give it a go, there will be lots of support here. The reaction you'll get from you guy will be worth it, as long as he gives you something you want, too, of course

[MrB]

To answer your main question of why? - I'm sure most people on this forum have wondered that for years. Why do some people like leather and whips, why do others prefer to be sissies? Why do some people like big boobs, and other small.

No-one really knows, but I can understand why your bf hides it. He doesn't want you to think he is weird. I hid my fetish for years from everyone including my wife as was scared of losing her because I'm too strange. I still have quite a few hang ups about it even though she knows everything now, and I've never told anyone else, despite having long frank chats about sex with lots of my, and my wife's friends.

The other point I want to make is about how broad a fetish this is. There are loads of people on here for whom a naked woman in many gallons of gunge is their fantasy, however I prefer the destruction part, and a little bit of mess on a fully dressed woman is more my scene - but the woman must be enjoying it and causing most of the mess. For many others the woman is a victim, often of custard pies. You really need to ask your bf what he's most in to.

You should take the opportunity to corner him in the bathroom, and torture the answers out of him under threat of covering him in chocolate sauce. He won't know what to do!

[Lizzie_Claymore]

No, I must strongly dissuade you from revealing that you have found this out. If you do, it will quite possibly lead to an irrevocable split between you as he will know that you've been looking at his PC history. That's like him reading your private diary (if you were to keep one) - a major issue of trust. He has kept it secret from you because he is afraid he will lose you if you find out. (I've been in that situation in the past, unfortunately, when I plucked up the courage to tell her and she bolted.)

The best thing to do is to find a completely innocuous and apparently coincidental reason to raise the subject as a way to let him be the one to tell you rather than you confronting him over the issue. That way, so long as you react in a way that gives him the confidence to continue to explain more and more (i.e. you don't react against what he's telling you - go with it, don't take an aggressive line of questioning) then he'll feel more relaxed about talking to you about it. One way to do this might be next time there is some slapstick on the TV and a woman gets covered in something, you could ask him (in a sparkly, cheeky sort of way) whether he enjoys seeing that. For example, keep an eye out for the film "The Great Race" which has one of the most spectacular pie fights in cinematic history with Natalie Wood getting plastered (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KMyhCgsb7E). If it's pies he's into then that should start the ball rolling. Mud might be more difficult!

As to the clothing issue, So long as you choose carefully (as previously mentioned above by others) and choose the substance you're going to mess with, you'd be amazed what you can do. Although some people get off on destroying clothes completely, I'm the opposite and hate losing anything. I've been sploshing for 20+ years and I haven't lost an item yet (apart from a few ladders in my tights, though that can happen at any time, of course!) It's amazing what artificial fibres and modern washing powder can achieve!

As to why we do it, well as you've heard above, it really does vary widely from person to person. My personal kink is wearing multiple pairs of tights and pouring sloppy gloop such as modelling clay into them. The reasons vary but the feeling of the slop sliding around in there which lubricates all your bits nicely and really heightens the sensuality of so many erogenous zones that you didn't realise you even had is a pretty good reason for doing it. The effect of the visual change as the clothes gradually become coated is very appealing too. Imagine being massaged all over with lubricant - that's what it's like. Watching a girl slowly getting plastered and, preferably, obviously enjoying it and rubbing it all over her is very stimulating for a bloke!

Well, that's my tuppence, other than to say, as with everyone else, don't knock it 'til you've tried it and stay open-minded and just go with it.

[jon42]

Hi

Long and serious post warning - there's a (rather long) summary at the bottom

As Eden's other half and someone who's been in the other half's shoes to a point (I don't think Eden ever found wam histories, though I don't know), I'd like to add a few points...

Firstly, I'm in the camp of don't say anything. From what you've written, it implies that you went looking to find his browser history, so I'm making that assumption here. That means that to be totally honest, at this point you have no right to know anything about it. That you went looking and found something is a burden you have to bear, if it really, really bothers you, then you're going to have to tell him you what you know and how you know it.

Perhaps it was a bit more accidental than that and it just filled in the browser bar or whatever and you were curious. It's still a case of you shouldn't know and if you can just forget about it and get on with your relationship that's the best solution in my mind - if it's something he wants to share in future then he will. Again, if it's something that really bothers you, just be honest about it. Explain what you found, how you found it, and above all, try not to sound judgmental. You'll have to judge his reaction from there, if he wants to talk about it he will, if not he'll brush it off as a link a friend sent for a laugh or whatever.

As for why, like people have said, it's hard to say, he'll probably like a particular aspect. I like clothed with food or slime and the kind of semi-slapstick indignation then joining in most, and lots of the other things you see here too, to a greater or lesser degree. For all of that what, I couldn't tell you why though, it's good fun, but also something more than that which just gets me going.

That's a long post so I'm going to summarise:

If you can't act like you don't know (which you shouldn't), you're just going to have to be honest about what you've found out and how you found it out, then just go with whatever he says. At the end out the day, accidentally or not you've found out something private that either he isn't ready to share, doesn't know how to share, or isn't actually anything anyway (depends what you actually know from internet history)

If you want to be more open together about things you like, then have an evening in together and bring up fantasies in general, if he wants to share he will. If you have anything yourself (however minor) it might help if you can go first.

I'd also advise giving Dan Savage's column a read - he's a well regarded sex columnist who gives very liberal advice (as opposed to the horribly passive-aggressive advice you'd find in something like Cosmo). You'll also come across things a lot weirder than wam if you do give it a read. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove

[messylaura]

if you do decide to give it a go with your bf jamie, start off small, start off with something that you like, maybe you have a favorite dessert you like.
if you are looking for a way to confront him about the subject try a little bit of fun when you have you next fav dessert,
mind you, the supprise factor might be out the window if he does read this forum lol

when you go to the hairdressers and they wash and shampoo your hair, do you get a lovely relaxed feeling?

there are many different combinations and reasons withing 'wam' or sploshing, it would be a good idea to find out from your bf what he is into from the subject

if you are concerned about him freaking out that you know if you do ask him about it, just tell him you and your girl friends used to do it all the time, LOL
it will take the edge off the shock of you knowing , you can tell him you made that bit up later on

or alternativly you might think we are all freaks and run for the hills

[messyanthony]

lol this post is going to make a few people feel paranoid. That sucks.. glad I came out to my girl.

[Lizzie_Claymore]

lol this post is going to make a few people feel paranoid. That sucks.. glad I came out to my girl.

Yes, you were lucky there! If you do it too early (as I did), she runs for the hills assuming you're a mad axe murderer too. If you leave it too late, you get the "So you've been keeping this secret from me - what else are you keeping from me?" "Nothing, love, honestly!" "Don't believe you" ... and runs for the hills. A classic no-win situation. You must have hit that infinitesimally small period during which it's ok to tell her, though I haven't found it yet! LoL!

[BillShipton]

If you do it too early (as I did), she runs for the hills assuming you're a mad axe murderer too. If you leave it too late, you get the "So you've been keeping this secret from me - what else are you keeping from me?" "Nothing, love, honestly!" "Don't believe you" ... and runs for the hills. A classic no-win situation. You must have hit that infinitesimally small period during which it's ok to tell her, though I haven't found it yet! LoL!

So nothing at all to do with your woman-friendly love of postcodes and testcards then! LOL

Bill
(buses, old comedy, novelty records etc etc)

[hooray4clay]

Taking this post at face value i'll add my half crown to the comments above. Firstly, I would echo the others who advocate being subtle about raising the subject with your bf. Having had some replies already it would be interesting to know if on reflection they've helped any? I would also echo the point that each of us probably have our own reasons for liking Wam, Splosh etc. I don't get hung up on labels; ater all, speaking as a bloke, if I was to mention that I liked Splosh, then no doubt most of the population would see me as some sort of weirdo; yet if I admitted that I'd been watching 2 women mud-wrestling, there isn't a straight bloke in the land who wouldn't take an interest... so maybe we're more mainstream than we realise.
When I broached the subject with my then girlfriend (now wife of several years), her biggest concern was what she saw as the humiliation aspect, which may ring some peoples' bells but not mine. Once she got her head around the silliness, fun, having a giggle, being smothered in warm chocolate actually feels quite nice etc, then we were away. We both have jobs with a degree of pressure and responsibility and, more to the point, where we have to behave a certain way. A massive food fight at the end of the week is such a release from all that and is to be recommended.
If he's anything like me, your bf is probably working up to find the "right moment" to subtly raise the matter (in that un-subtle way us blokes do 'subtle).

Best of luck and go easy on him

[snake]

...why?...

because laughter is sexy... and its hard not to laugh when you've got a gallon of rice pudding in your pants

as long as everyone is having fun, I'm happy!