The Large Hayleytron Pie/Face Collider

[BillShipton]

Good afternoon boffins everywhere

I am happy to say that we at Splosh! have started on the biggest pie-entific experiment in human history. Yesterday we switched on the Large Hayleytron Pie/Face Collider for the first time.

Buried 200 ft under the litter of St Leonards, the collider is a long tunnel containing a machine that can throw literally billions of pies at speeds close to the speed of light at an intended victim, keeping even her happy. It was built to emulate the throwing of the first ever pie 20 billion years ago which led to the creation of the WAM Universe - an event that has come to be known as the Big Splat.

Yesterday, after a countdown by a nutty Welsh bloke, we sent the first pies on their way to make sure the machine worked. They soon reached the speed of shite (the length of time it takes for a curry to come out as a fart and diarhoea) and are now whirling around waiting to make contact. At present they have nothing to collide with as the victim, volunteer scientist, Hayley Brownovsky has yet to get into the tunnel as she is still doing her make-up and deciding what to wear. Experts, well only one actually, have suggested a Hazmat suit.

When the billions of pies start hitting Hayley at full speed, it is hoped many questions that have baffled sploshers for centuries will be answered. How did sploshing begin? Is there a so-called God pie that started it all off? Will the collisions cause the whole planet to disappear in a black hole or merely make a bit of a mess on the carpet? And why doesn't Hayley (or Bill for that matter) go to splunches?

In the meantime, we can only hope that the Large Hayleytron Pie/Face Collider does its job. A great day for science. A great day for the Welsh (apart from losing to Russia in the World Cup) and an orgasm for Hayley if we don't run out of pies.

Wish us luck,

Prof Bill Hawking

[dirtydids]

Nice one Bill.

Just hope your experiment is secure though and one of those pies hasn't got into the "Channel Tunnel" and caused that incident

"QUOTE"


Kent Fire and Rescue Service described it as a "serious incident", and 50 truck drivers have been evacuated from the train into a service tunnel.



Dids

[WamNick]

Is there a so-called God pie that started it all off?

Professor,

Excellent work! All of us here at the Institute of Advanced Theoretical Sposhing in Geneva have postulated about the so-called “God Pie” or to give it the correct pie-entific title the Figg-Bison; supposedly a thick sticky substance that glues pies together due to the Figg’s Field, (located on a farm in Dorest)

As we all know the Standard Menu consists of twelve basic ingredients but to date these do not explain all the wonders and mysteries of WAM. I understand you will have your device up to full power shortly after Christmas and we all look forward to your discoveries over the coming months and years. Perhaps you could post videos of your progress for download.

"Sir Nick” Berners-Lee
Inventor of the WWW (World Wide Wam)
IATS - Geneva