Lady Caroline goes out to Dine

[carolinewalker_2000]

A little work of "fiction" for your delectation!


"Lady Caroline goes out to Dine"

This story is a work of fiction, and, as such, any similarities to an establishment known to some of us are entirely intentional – sorry, I mean “coincidental”!

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To be quite frank, Lady Caroline Walker was a bit of a bitch. Born the fourth child and third daughter of a line of minor nobility, she had grown up expecting everything to go as she wished it – and for many years it did. Then Daddy had lost all his money over the crash of some stupid financial thing called “Lloyd’s Names.” She didn’t understand all this silly business nonsense; all she knew was that, suddenly, at the age of 27, she was told she needed to get a job. “Get a job”; that was what ordinary people did. What was the point of being a Lady if there was nothing to distinguish you from the proletariat!

Still Daddy was adamant and, eventually, Caroline was found a job. A chum of Daddy’s owned this newspaper and he told his Editor chappie that he wanted to start a social chit-chat column and that Caroline was just the girl to write it. It wasn’t so bad really; all she had to do was to attend parties she had been planning to go to anyway; gossip with a few chums; write up the gossip for the newspaper; and collect her cheque at the end of the month. Caroline had to admit that having money of her own was much nicer than having to go cap in hand to Daddy and explain why one’s allowance had run out by the third week in the month!

Funnily enough; Caroline turned out to have a real flair for journalism and, much to her Editor’s surprise, her column became really popular. He started assigning her to other events – such as trade conferences and sales conventions – where her shapely figure, pretty face, and easy, assured manner enabled her to get quite a lot of insider dirt on several leading figures. Caroline started enjoying her work.

Then the newspaper’s regular Restaurant Critic went off sick and the Editor suggested Caroline might like to pick up some of his duties as well. No novice now, Caroline negotiated a decent increase in her monthly salary!

One day the Editor called Caroline into his office; “I want you to go down to St Leonards-on-Sea and review this new restaurant that is starting to make waves on the internet-chat circuit” he said. “It is called the “Fat Fuck” and no other paper seems to have reviewed it yet; we could have a scoop if you get your arse in gear and jet off to St Leonards – wherever the fuck that is! He laughed at his weak and crude joke. Caroline did not really like her Editor, but she knew better than to refuse an assignment, so she logged onto her computer and googled “St Leonards”. It turned out to be a small seaside resort near Hastings and, as far as she was concerned, pretty much at the arse end of England – (although being a Lady, Caroline didn’t acknowledge that she even knew the word “arse”!)

So, she phoned the restaurant and made a reservation for lunch in a couple of days time. The person she spoke to on the phone seemed a bit eccentric, but she assumed that was an occupational hazard in the catering trade. On the appointed day Caroline caught a train to Hastings – first class, of course - and from the station took a taxi to the Fat Fuck. The taxi-driver had a bit of trouble finding the restaurant. “According to the address you gave me, it should be here” he said, indicating a rusting shutter-door; “But it don’t look much like a restaurant to me.” “Don’t be stupid” said Caroline, superciliously, “if this is the address, then this must be the restaurant. I am sure that being hidden behind a roller-shutter is the latest thing in chic in St Leonards!”

Caroline rang the bell on a door immediately adjacent to the shuttered opening and, after a brief pause the door was opened by a bearded man wearing a faded green waiter’s jacket and grubby, black, dress trousers. “Is this the Fat Fuck?” Caroline demanded imperiously. “Yes Miss” replied the man. “Thank you” said Caroline, “and it is ‘Lady’, not ‘Miss’!” She was ushered through the door and into the restaurant. It was a most peculiar place. There only appeared to be one table laid up and the Waiter indicated that this was hers. “I trust that this is the best table in the restaurant?” she enquired, “only the best is good enough for me.” “Oh yes your ladyship” replied the Waiter. “It is our only table, so it must be our best.”

The absolute logic of this statement bemused Caroline for a moment, but she shook her head to clear it and walked across to where the table was set up in a small alcove. She couldn’t help noticing that the walls of the alcove were rather dirty, with chipped paint and a patina that seemed to comprise the remains of several previous dinners! She wiped her finger across the wall and immediately wished she hadn’t; her finger came away coated in grease. This wasn’t a very auspicious beginning and Caroline started to compose the opening lines of her damning review in her head.

The Waiter introduced himself as “William”. “Mumm, ‘William the Waiter’, that’s a good line; I must use that” Caroline thought. “Yes your Ladyship; I am William and I will be looking after you today” he said. “Heston Bloominawful, our chef and inspiration, isn’t on duty today, but I can assure that all the dishes we serve have been prepared in scrupulous accordance with his instructions.” William shivered and Caroline made a note that Heston was clearly not a man to be crossed – another useful tit-bit for her review.

“Now your ladyship” William continued, “here at the Fat Fuck we believe food should not just appeal to our sense of taste, but rather to all the senses. We place great emphasis on that and do our best to ensure that our customers get the full benefit of the dishes we have prepared.” “Well that is definitely a plus point” thought Caroline; “Probably the first I have found since I entered this place.”

“Now as our Appetiser today we have Egg Mayonnaise” announced William “Would Madam like to try it?” “Indeed I would William” said Lady Caroline and she turned her attention to her table whilst William bustled round at the serving table behind her, preparing her appetiser. The table was, as advertised, supposed to be set with linen napery, silver cutlery, and fine porcelain. To Caroline’s eye it appeared to be more plastic table cloth, Woolworth’s cutlery, and paper plates! However she said nothing, reserving her sarcasm for her column.

“Is Madam ready for her appetiser?” enquired William and, on being answered in the affirmative, proceed to smash an egg into Lady Caroline’s beautifully coiffured hair – (she had visited her hairdresser the previous day especially to look her best for this auspicious occasion)! The first egg was followed by a second and then a third. Each one tricked down her face before plopping into her lap. “I know egg shampoo is supposed to be good for one’s hair” thought Caroline, “but I must say this does seem a bit extreme!” “Now for the mayonnaise” announced William; “We believe in mixing it in situ.” So saying he upended a whole jar of mayonnaise over Caroline’s head and if flopped down inside the cleavage of her dress, as well as all over the bodice.

Now as well as having had her hair done in readiness for this visit, Caroline had also bought herself a new dress, shoes and handbag for the occasion. Her dress was turquoise; knee-length; with a black and white striped pattern. She wore it with a little black bolero jacket; teamed with black, patent heels and a satin clutch bag. Caroline was very pleased with her new outfit and was looking forward to wearing it on numerous other occasions. (Long gone were the days when she could afford to purchase a couture dress just for a single outing!)

Caroline looked down with distaste at the slimy mess of egg and mayonnaise that now adorned the front of her new dress. “Well hopefully it will wash off” she thought. “Time to refresh your palate before the next course” announced William, smashing a custard pie in her face. “Oh, and because I believe in symmetry…” and he smacked two more pies either side of her face.

“Shall we move onto the soup course?” enquired William. “We are offering two soups today; tomato and vegetable. I would recommend that you try both. How do you like your soup served?” “Oh just as it comes” replied Caroline, “You know, straight up and down.” “Of course madam” replied William;” Your wish is our command”, and with that he proceeded to throw one tin of tomato soup in her face. “Well that is ‘just how it comes’” said William. “Now for ‘straight up and down’”, and with that he poured a tin of vegetable soup all over Caroline’s head.

“Time for another palate cleanser I believe” said William, smashing yet another pie in her face. Caroline sat there as the pie-plate gradually slid down her face to join the other slop gathering in the lap of her dress. “Would Madam like a little more soup?” enquired William and, without waiting for an answer, pulled out the neck of her dress and poured another tin over her bra. Without pausing, William moved round behind Caroline and deposited yet another tin of soup down the back of her dress.

By now Caroline, never the fastest of thinkers, was starting to question the authenticity of this restaurant. She had never heard of any other establishment that spent more time pouring food over its customers than it did in feeding them! She reached for her handbag, intending to take out her handkerchief to wipe her face, but William snatched it from her hand. “What have we here?” he enquired, filling the bag with tomato soup before passing it back to Caroline. Sadly she pulled out her sodden hanky and surveyed the ruined contents of her bag. “What am I going to do with this?” she enquired, proffering the soup filled bag to William. “Well if it were left to me I would do this” he said, emptying it over her head. He then tried to rip the bag in two before, failing, he handed it back to Caroline. “Well that is the end of that” Caroline though as she placed the bag under the table.

“Time for the main course” said William. “Today we are serving Heston’s special baked beans. Would Madam care to examine them?” A large bowl of slimy baked beans was proffered in front of Caroline and she had no real choice other than to dip her hand into the orange mess and pull out a handful of beans. “Yes, lovely” she confirmed, somewhat hesitantly. “I am delighted your Ladyship approves” said William. “Now if Madam would kindly stand; raise her dress; and pull out the waist band of her panties and tights….” Dumbly Caroline did as she was instructed and watched with horror as William proceed to pour the entire contents of the bowl of beans inside her knickers. Once the bowl was empty William gently patted Caroline’s bulging crotch. “There now; doesn’t that feel better?” he enquired. About to bite his head off, Caroline paused. She had to admit that the slow seepage of the beans down her tights and knickers was starting to feel very pleasant. The beans were finding their way into crevices and intimate parts of which she had never previously been aware and the sensation was really quite erotic! “Umm; Yes William” she stammered. “Well if Madam likes the beans, maybe it is time for her to try the spaghetti” William announced and, lifting the back of her dress he deposited a bowl of spaghetti hoops down the back of her knickers. “That is awful” snapped Caroline, “but”, moderating her tone, “don’t stop; I rather like it!”

“If madam would care to readjust her attire and sit down, we can proceed to the next course” advised William As she sat down, Caroline could feel the spaghetti squirting in all directions. She couldn’t stifle an involuntary groan of pleasure; “Oh that is disgusting, but strangely nice” she announced, smiling up at William. “I am pleased Madam is enjoying the experience of dining at this unique establishment” said William, with a little bow. “Another palate cleanser I believe” said William and Caroline looked up in resignation as three more pies were smashed in her face and on either side of her head. “At least the pies are a fetching shade of yellow” thought Caroline, “that compliments the colour of my dress!” By now her dress was hanging limply off her; smeared with egg, mayonnaise, two types of pie, and the orange-coloured sauce from the baked beans.

“I don’t think Madam has yet tried our renowned snail porridge” mussed William and, fitting the word to the deed, he picked up another bowl and threw handfuls of glutinous porridge into Caroline’s face and all down the front of her dress. He then proceeded to upend the bowl over her head. Lumps of porridge slid inexorably down her cleavage to join the rest of the mess nestling over her tummy. “Time to try our custard I believe” said William, after plopping yet another pie in Caroline’s face. Standing, Caroline once again lifted the hem of her dress and pulled out the front of her knickers. A whole carton of custard was immediately poured in to join the baked beans already resting their. “I do believe the mixture is still a bit stiff” announced William; so the custard was followed by a tin of soup. This time William put his hand inside Caroline’s knickers and gave the mixture a good stir. Caroline gasped but did not protest because she found his ministrations rather arousing. “Madam has a particularly substantial gusset in her knickers” said William; “By now we usually find the mixture sliding down one’s legs inside your tights.” “The nature of my gussets are a matter for discussion with my corsetiere only” said Caroline firmly; “They are of no concern to your.” “Of course Madam” replied William with a little bow; “However, my ministrations seem to have had the desired effect”. And, looking down Caroline could see lumps and bulges of food sliding down her thighs and calves inside her tights. “I can’t have that” she thought; “They make my legs look fat and destroy the line of my stockings.” Without thinking she raised her feet onto the table and slid her hands up and down her stocking’d legs, trying to disperse the lumps. All she succeeded in doing was to make the bulging a little more even and to coat her stockings with a colourful sheen of the different sauces.

“Madam has lovely shoes” said William; “May I?” And without waiting for an answer her removed both of Caroline’s shoes and filled one with a tin of creamed rice pudding. Into the other he broke two eggs and then replaced the shoes on her feet. At William’s suggestion, Caroline stood up and watched horrified as the sticky and slimy mess oozed out of her lovely new shoes and over her stocking’d feet.

“Surely this must be the end of the meal?” Caroline thought; “This cretin cannot have anything else he can throw or pour over me?” Oh how wrong she was! After yet another session of ‘palate cleansing’ – (which by now Caroline had decided was simply an excuse for William to abuse his clients) – she was asked to take her feet of the table and sit up straight, as it was time to serve the pea veloute. This proved to be a large bucket containing a thick, cold soup made from dried peas enriched with petit pois, which was poured all over her from a great height. It went everywhere; into her eyes; down her cleavage; and smothering both the front and back of her dress! Caroline’s hair was so matted that, even after scouring the gunge from her eyes, she could hardly see through the tangled remains of her once pristine hairstyle.

Having snorted veloute out of her mouth and nostrils, Caroline found she could breathe once again. “You know, I don’t think you are taking this dining experience seriously” admonished William. “Heston Bloominawful went to a lot of trouble designing these special dishes and you don’t seem to be enjoying them at all.” Caroline hastened to assure him that this was not the case and that she was enjoying her experience very much; William simply did not believe her. “You deserve to be punished” he announced. “Stand up; turn round; and lift your dress.” Demurely Caroline followed his instructions. A tin of rice pudding and another of vegetable soup joined the other ingredients down the back of her knickers. Only this time William did not gently massage them in; rather he picked up a large paddle and proceeded to give Caroline a good spanking. As she bent over the back of the chair, Caroline let out little sobs of pain. However, these were mixed with groans of pleasure as the blows spread the revolting mess all across her bottom.

“I think it is time to introduce another colour into your ensemble” announced William. At his Direction, Caroline seated herself on the table and coquettishly raised one knee, allowing her sodden dress to slip up her thigh. “I wonder what new horror he has in store for me?” thought Caroline, until, once again, her sight was obliterated by another bucketful of slime. Once she had cleared her eyes and could see again, Caroline observed that she was now coated in a rather fetching shade of pink.

“Now lie face down on the table” demanded William. Caroline looked with disgust at the sloppy mess that now spread all across the table cloth. Resignedly she sighed and lay down in the gloop, wincing as the cold slime seeped through the already sodden front of her dress. Yet again William lifted the back of her dress, only this time he pulled her tights and kickers down to he knees and told her to spread her legs as he deposited yet more thick gunge over her bottom and crotch. By now Caroline was getting seriously turned on. “Why has no-one told me about the pleasure of this food abuse before?” she mussed. Just then she noticed her handbag which she had carefully placed under the table to keep it away from the mayhem which was happening above it. Sadly she noted that as the mess dripped inexorably off the table onto the floor, her lovely new handbag was slowly being engulfed by the tide. “Well that is the end of that” she thought, reaching down and picking it up; “Still it has turned a lovely colour!” All the different substances which had been dumped on her had combined into a swirling pattern of green, yellow, pink, and orange,

“Now over on your back” ordered William and, as she complied, he pulled the front of her tights down her legs and emptied a tin of rice pudding directly onto her pubes. Half the tin fell out all together and plopped heavily on a very sensitive spot. “Ooh” groaned Caroline, “I liked that!” “My apology Madam” said William sincerely, “that was unintentional. I had no way of knowing the rice would come out like that.” “Don’t apologise” murmured Caroline lasciviously, “you can rub it in if you like!” She was seriously disappointed when William declined her invitation.

“We are approaching the end of the meal” announced William, to Caroline’s suddenly surprising regret. “After such a rich meal I feel a little chocolate is called for, don’t you?” Caroline agreed; “I love chocolate” she enthused, “do you have any Bentinck’s Mints; I particularly like those.” “I am afraid not Madam” replied William. “But I trust you will enjoy this.” And with that he emptied a bucket of chocolate sauce over her. “Oh my goodness” exclaimed Caroline. “Just how much more of this can there be? I am soaked through and through, have you nothing with which you can dry me?” “Naturally Madam” responded William; “We ensure we can cater for all our client’s needs” and without further ado, dumped a three pound bag of flour over her. Well it may not have had much of a drying effect, but the newly whitened Caroline was certainly aware of everything sticking together.

“That concludes your dining experience, your Ladyship” William announced. “May I get your bill?” Caroline slowly rose. The weight of her clothes was unbelievable. “My credit card wallet is in my handbag” she announced. “As my bag seems to have become submerged in the remains of your meal, you can go whistle for your payment!” With that she turned and started to stagger to the door; the weight of her clothes made moving difficult and she was very conscious that the floor was extremely slippery. “But what about my tip” called William after her plaintively? “Oh I’m sorry” said Caroline, turning with a smile. “I quite forget that. Come over here.” William hurried towards her. Caroline wrapped him in an embrace and kissed him firmly on the mouth. “The Fat Fuck was fucking marvellous” she whispered into his ear, depositing a large lump of pie in same as she did so! “I shall return again. In the meantime here is a tip for you; never look to extract money from a woman who now has to go out and buy an entire new outfit as a result of you ministrations!”

Leaving a slime covered, gob-smacked William in her wake, Caroline tottered to the door. Dining at the Fat Fuck had proved to be a memorable experience and she determined that her review would be written in a way that should encourage others to try it for themselves. This only left her with one problem; how to get home. She had no money or credit cards – they was submerged under the gloop in her handbag; and even had she had money she didn’t think any taxi-driver would allow her into his cab in her present state. Ah well, something would occur to her, so she turned and headed back towards the station on foot, her heavy, saturated dress slapping against her tattered stockings and her shoes squelching with ever step she took. Fortunately there was no-one immediately in the vicinity to observe her, but that would undoubtedly change as she got nearer to the Town Centre. She suddenly started laughing out loud. If that morning anyone had told her that by the end of the day the Honourable Lady Caroline Walker would find herself tottering down St Leonards High Street, saturated with an assortment of foodstuffs, and in a state of high sexual excitement; she would have told them they were mad. Strange how things turn out; it’s a funny old world!

[courier]

Very good story. All we need now is for you to act it out as a photo story!!

[carolinewalker_2000]

Dear Courier,

What makes you think I haven't?!!!

[courier]

If you have would love to see the pics !! If there were no pics then a repeat may be in order !!

[Candy Custard]

amazing story! really enjoyed it xx