DAWN OF TROUSER TRAUMA

[Messypockets]

DAWN OF TROUSER TRAUMA

(The beginning of this story is true. Then it becomes mostly conjecture. I think you’ll be able to tell when we enter the realm of fantasy.)

For weeks now I’d been seeing this very sexy young woman about the town, during the lunch hour, dashing here, rushing there. And each time I saw her she was wearing a pair of flared hipster beige trousers. They had two front slanted pockets which opened wondrously when she ran. They looked to me as if they were aching to be filled with something gooey. The trousers also had two bum pockets which had buttoned flaps. She wore little black tops that came down to the belt so that none of her trousers were covered. It was probably a sort of uniform for where ever it was that she worked. On her feet she wore black leather ankle boots.

Very horny.

We’d made eye contact a few times but never actually talked.

Then one lunch time I was caught out in what can only be described as a monsoon. I took shelter under a shop oarning. I was just thinking I was mad to missing such a great opportunity to get wet when this vision in a sky blue hooded nylon jacket and beige trousers ran under the shelter. Her nylon jacket was soaked, though I suspected it was water proof. Her beige trouser leg bottoms were soaked also, as was her thighs from running in the wet. The trousers had turned a darker shade of beige from the rain.

She laughed and smiled at me. At last I could finally meet the mystery woman about town, so to speak. We laughed and joked about the rain and getting wet. I have to tell you I was feeling very horny at this point.

She told me she’d finished work for the day and was on her way home when the rain hit. Just as she rounding a corner a bus had driven though a huge puddle. She described the tidal wave that had engulfed her.

I laughed at her for getting out of the rain when she was already soaked. A little more water wouldn’t hurt as she made her way home.

We introduced each other. He name was Yvonne.

She joked that she might as well have had a shower in her clothes. I nearly choked.

Then out of the blue she invited me back for a cup of tea on one condition I leave now in the pouring rain. I pretended to resist, saying the rain would soon ease up. But I couldn’t keep it up long when she stood in the rain, face up to the heavens. And so we walked and talked and got very wet. In her case wetter.

As we stood dripping in her kitchen, Yvonne made a cup of tea. I said we’d both catch our death of cold if we stayed in these wet clothes. Yvonne told me about how when in-between watery scenes filming Titanic , Kate Winslet and Leonado Decaprio would climb into a hot tank of water in their costumes. Well, I said, I’ll run the bath and you bring the tea. She laughed. Worth a try I thought to myself. Then she pointed out that we didn’t know each other very well to get naked. True I said. Then we’ll both defiantly have to keep our clothes on in the bath I continued.

Turns out she was in the mood to do something silly, and she’d never had a bath fully clothed before. You’d be killing two birds with one stone I said.

And so we climbed into the bath in our clothes, Yvonne even kept on her nylon jacket, unzipping it to reveal a striped blouse. Under neither, as I’d suspected, was bone dry because of the water proof jacket.

We drank our tea and got to know one another a bit. I told her about sploshing. She loved slapstick films.

Were going out on a Splosh date: I’m going round to hers next week to have a pie fight with her.