The Christmas Cake

[Slapstickman]

Hello Everyone,

Here's a little festive offering for you all, it's a bit more back to basics after recent epics, but I hope you enjoy it.

Have a Messy Christmas and a Slapsticky New Year,

The Christmas Cake

It was 4pm on Christmas Eve and I was heading home for a few days. I was only a few miles from my destination when I remembered I’d promised to bring a Christmas cake with me and had forgotten to do so. Luckily, there was a bakery in the next town and as I drove slowly through, I was relieved to see there was a light still on inside. I parked up and hurried to the door. To my relief, it was open and I walked in. Behind the counter was a tall brunette, around my age, dressed in an expensive looking white blouse and black skirt with a big white apron over the top. She looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite place her. She smiled at me as I entered the shop.

“You’ve just caught me” she smiled widely “I was just about to close up; what can I get for you?”

“I was looking for a Christmas cake” I replied, hopefully.

“You might be in luck” the lady answered “I think we’ve got a couple left”

“Great” I said, relieved. The lady looked me up and down.

“You look very familiar” she said “have we met before?”

“I don’t know” I replied “I was just thinking the same thing”

“What’s your name?” the Brunette asked me. I was sort of hoping she was coming onto me as she was a very attractive woman with a wonderful smile and big beautiful brown eyes.

“Matt” I smiled “Matt….”

“Black Of course” the woman smiled as wide as ever “Matt Black, I’m Sonya”

“Sonya Jones” I replied, finally recognising the girl from primary school.

“That’s me” she said.

“I didn’t know you worked here” I said

“I don’t” she bristled slightly “I own the place; in fact I own 3 of these places”

“Wow! Nice one” I smiled “this is a great place. Guess I don’t need to ask how you’re doing, you look stunning and you have a fine business”

“Thank you” Sonya looked really pleased “you’re looking well, too. Is life treating you ok?”

“Yeah” I replied “I’m pretty happy with life, all things considered”

“Are you married?” she asked “kids?”

“No” I said; I was glad she asked as I wanted to know the same about her “you?”

“No, I think I’m married to my business” she sighed almost jokingly, as though this was a response she’d had to trot out a thousand times.

“Well, he’s not a bad looking fella” I joked, looking around the bakery.

“I haven’t seen you for about 25 years” Sonya continued. I cast my mind back and she was right. Her family had moved away just before we started Secondary school, as her Dad got a big promotion at work and figured it was the best time to move the family with minimal disruption to Sonya’s schooling. I don’t know why I remembered that.

“Yeah, those were the days” I said rather glibly, Sonya’s smile dropped.

“Oh yes, like the time you pulled my knickers down in front of the entire class” she snapped. I thought at first she was joking; but had to admit it was true. Not perhaps my finest hour. In my defence, she had been tormenting me all day, including pulling my hair and I could never hit a girl, so I took my frustrations out on her in another way. Sonya was humiliated and I got in a world of trouble (for a six year old anyway). The atmosphere had now changed from convivial and flirty to increasingly frosty.

“Yes, I was genuinely sorry for that” I said sincerely.

“Well, it can’t be undone by words” Sonya was still not smiling.

“Ok, so do you have the cake?” I asked. I figured the best thing to do would be to get what I came for and make as swift an exit as possible.

“Yes, it’s in the back” Sonya glared; “follow me”. I did as I was told and followed Sonya behind the counter and into the back room. There were a couple of large ovens against one wall and large fridge and freezer units at the back. On the opposite wall to the ovens there were two doors, that I assumed were stores and then round most of the rest of the room were tables. All of the tables were full of cakes, pies and desserts; there must have been 40 or 50 of them. I stood in awe at how much stuff there was.

“I’m closing down for a few days for Christmas” she explained. Was just about to throw these away; give me one moment, I’d better lock up”. I smiled at her, but this was not reciprocated and I watched as Sonya wiggled her cute bum out of the back room into the main shop. She locked the door and turned the light off, before removing her apron and returning to the back room. As she returned I could tell that she wasn’t wearing a bra. Her nipples were just visible through the thin fabric of her blouse. I concluded she had pretty great boobs; a good size and very perky. Sonya must have caught me glancing at them because she shot me an even darker look and then shut the door that led from the back room to the shop.

“Right, let’s get you what you want” she said stiffly and locked the door. I was a little concerned now and looked around nervously for any sharp objects Sonya may have access too. This was not good. However, instead of picking up a knife or rolling pin, Sonya picked up a large custard pie. I’d just come from work and was wearing my best tie, a white shirt and black trousers. I was not really ready for this.

“As you enjoy humiliation so much” Sonya smiled “lets see how you like taking it. A shame it’s not in public, but I have my camera phone”.

“Sonya, come on, it was thirty years ago; I’ve apologised, can’t we draw a line under the incident?” I pleaded.

“I’m just about to” she grinned and slapped the pie forcefully into my face. I felt the cold creamy custard pie filling hit my face and slop down my shirt and tie. I could feel it was a really messy one as dollop after dollop slopped down me. I slowly wiped my eyes, and looked down at my pie splattered shirt and tie. I flicked the excess pie filling off my fingers. Sonya meanwhile had grabbed two more pies and was approaching me again. I could do nothing as she sandwiched my head with the two pies. The whole room went dark as my head was engulfed in the creamy goo. I could feel Sonya smear the pies over my entire head, covering my hair and face with the messy slop. Pie filling dripped over my shoulders, down my back and front.

“It’s quite fun dishing out a bit of humiliation isn’t it Matt?” Sonya beamed as I wiped my eyes for a second time.

“Come on now, you’ve had your fun” I groaned, running my hands through my plastered hair, but Sonya showed no signs of stopping. Instead she picked up a large trifle and scooped out a huge dollop of cream and custard in her right hand. She smeared it slowly over my chest, rubbing it all over my white shirt until it began to stick to my skin. Then she grabbed another handful and, smiling cheekily, slapped it over my crotch, covering the front of my trousers in slimy white goo. “Ok” I said “I’m going to leave now, it’s been a pleasure”.

“Oh no, you don’t” Sonya replied, her hands on her hips. She tossed back her long brown hair and subtly pushed her chest out. I had to admit she looked absolutely beautiful stood there, defiant and angry. “I’ve been waiting 30 years to get my revenge and now I’ve got you, you better let me have it”

“I’m sorry” I replied “I must have pie filling in my ear or something, but what was that that sentence again”.

“I said” Sonya glared at me “that you’d better let me have it”

“That’s what I thought you said” I confirmed and picked up a pie of my own from the table. I slapped it firmly into Sonya’s pretty face.

“Oh my god!” she exclaimed in a muffled voice as I rubbed the pie in. Pie filling dripped down into her cleavage and over her boobs “how dare you?” I spotted a large bowl of strawberry mousse on the table and picked it up. I waited for Sonya to slowly wipe her eyes and then pushed the bowl down firmly on top of her head. She looked a sight as the creamy pink goo oozed down her face and plastered her hair. I left the bowl on top of her head as I grabbed two smaller custard pies. I pushed them slowly over Sonya’s blouse, rubbing them over her breasts. Sonya squealed as the pie filling was splattered over her front, sticking her blouse to her bra-less breasts. The pies fell to the floor, via her skirt and slopped over her smart black heels.

As Sonya slowly removed the bowl from her head, causing more mousse to fall down her once clean blouse, she glared at me. I smiled back at her. Sonya’s terrific breasts were now clearly visible through her plastered blouse and her nipples were rock hard.

“Look what you’ve done to me!” she exclaimed. I had to admit she did look a mess. My early annoyance about having my work clothes ruined was rapidly subsiding, being replaced by naughtier thoughts that intensified with every jiggle of Sonya’s breasts through her blouse. I was almost looking forward to her next move. I didn’t have to wait long as she grabbed a large cream gateau and slapped it forcefully over my bum, splattering over the back of my trousers and dripping cream down the back of my trouser legs.

“Oh no” I groaned “my trousers”. My trousers, however, were not done yet. Sonya reached for my belt undoing it slightly and then she pulled open the front of my trousers with one hand and grabbed a large jug of double cream with the other. It didn’t really take a genius to figure out what was coming, but I played along anyway “what on earth are you doing?” I gasped.

“Making you cream your pants” she smiled, without much warmth; suddenly pouring the entire contents of the jug down the front of my trousers. It was cold and I gasped as the creamy slop ran over the front of my white Calvin Klein’s and down my thighs. When she’d shaken every last drip of cream out of the jug, Sonya rubbed her hand right over the front of my trousers, ensuring the cream soaked right through and ensuring my cock got even harder. She must have felt my cock through the trousers, but didn’t react, she continued to massage my crotch and thighs until my trousers stuck to my skin the same way my shirt did.

Sonya then turned her attention to my tie. She removed it and threw it on the floor, then she grabbed my shirt and began to slowly unbutton it. She undid every last button until the shirt opened fully at the front and grabbed a large handful of chocolate mousse from a nearby bowl. Sonya smeared it slowly and sensually over my bare chest until chocolate mousse dripped from my entire upper torso. Sonya didn’t look so pissed off anymore and smiled sweetly at me as she massaged the mousse in.

“Are you done now?” I asked

“Not yet” Sonya grinned as she bent over to pick something up from under the table. She pulled out a large bucket full of white cake batter. I figured Sonya was about 5”10; but in her 3 or 4 inch heels she was about my height. She had little difficulty, therefore, lifting the bucket above my head and dumping it over me. Luckily for me, the batter was quite warm. It slopped slowly down my body as Sonya left me with the bucket on my head. I couldn’t see a thing aside from the inside of the bucket and the cake batter that covered my head. I could, however, feel my belt being loosened and then my trousers being pulled down my thighs until they fell down to my ankles.

“Mmmm, nice undies” Sonya giggled. After waiting a while to allow Sonya to savour me in this messy predicament – my trousers round my ankles and a bucket over my head - I slowly and comically removed the bucket from my head. The atmosphere seemed to have lightened a bit now. I suppose it was hard to stay mad with someone in a humiliating state of undress, covered in slop.

“Look at the state of you” Sonya was laughing now, a really hearty, sexy laugh.

“Oh, this amuses you now, does it?” I tried to put on my huffiest voice, even though I was starting to really enjoy myself.

“Yes, it does” Sonya laughed.

“OK” I replied. Walking behind her I grabbed a fresh banana cream pie and slapped it over the back of her skirt. It exploded over her tight, fit bum and she shrieked. Slowly, she ran her hands down her pie covered skirt and turned to face me. I picked up a large jug of custard and smiled cheekily at her. The first two buttons on Sonya’s white blouse were already open, but I undid the third so I had easy access to her breasts. I pulled the front of her blouse open and poured the custard down. It slopped down her cleavage and over her amazing breasts. Sonya gasped; partly in shock and partly with the audacity of this sploshing. Her boobs were now covered in thick, creamy custard and you could see them clearly dripping through her blouse.

“I don’t believe you just did that to me” she exclaimed, adjusting her messy blouse the best she could. I hadn’t finished with her yet though. I walked up to her and unzipped her skirt, letting it fall round her ankles. Sonya was wearing a terrific pair of ivory, figure hugging, satin French knickers. They had a cute bow and delicate lace detail on the front. She blushed slightly as I eyed her up, before taking her skirt and dumping it in a big bowl of trifle. I kneaded it into the gooey cream, custard and blancmange before taking it out showing it to her.

“My skirt” she whined.

“Here, have it back” I grinned and wiped the messy item of clothing all over her face. It covered Sonya’s features once more in thick gooey dessert, thoroughly slathering slop all over her face and hair. I then let it drop to the floor.

“Oh my god” she gasped “this wasn’t supposed to happen. This was supposed to be my revenge, my perfect Christmas present”. She angrily ripped my shirt off my back and reached for a jug from the table. Sensing this was going to get very messy and noticing my shoes were already looking a bit worse for wear; I slipped off my shoes and socks and was stood in front of Sonya in just a pair of white Calvin Klein jockey shorts. Sonya opened the front of my shorts with the hand that wasn’t holding the jug and poured the entire contents of the jug down. Custard sloshed over my cock and balls as I looked on in mock indignation. When the jug was empty, Sonya took a lingering look down my shorts and then let go of the waist band and watched the yellow gooey custard soak through my underwear. I glared at her.

I walked over to the table now and picked up a jug myself. I undid Sonya’s blouse and let it fall to the floor, now she was naked except for a pair of knickers and a pair of heels. I bent down and took off her heels, then slowly filled them with custard.

“My best shoes!” Sonya exclaimed as custard dribbled out of the top of her expensive looking heels. She grimaced as I put them back on her feet and watched the goo ooze out. I bent over the table to grab another jug, but I felt something tugging at my shorts, within seconds they were round my knees and my bare bum was sticking in the air. Sonya grabbed a pie and slapped it hard over my naked arse and squealed with laughter as the custard pie exploded over my buttocks.

I stayed bent over letting Sonya admire her handiwork; but I sensed her moving closer. She pinched me on the bum and then leaned over me. She picked up a pie from the table and pushed it into my crotch, rubbing it over my cock and balls. It was a fantastic sensation, the creamy goo being smeared over my increasingly erect penis and Sonya appeared to be enjoying herself too as she rubbed and smeared harder, until the pie fell apart in her hands. I turned to face her with a huge, pie covered, hard-on. Sonya emitted a dirty giggle.

“I’ve got a bit of a confession to make” she smiled a little nervously “whilst I was; of course, humiliated at the time I soon got over the knickers incident. It ceased to be the talk of the school almost the next day as Ralph shit himself in gym class, do you remember that?”

“Oh yeah” I replied.

“And I can kind of see, I almost deserved it. I was being a total bitch to you for quite a few days before that. I was a bit shy and couldn’t really tell you I fancied you, so I tried to get your attention in other ways”

“OK, wow!” I replied, not entirely sure what else to say “so what’s all this about then?” I pointed out my naked, mess covered body by way of explanation.

“I’ve recently got into Sploshing” Sonya confessed “it’s such a turn on and I kind of have the perfect business for it. I was just setting up for a big solo session here, when you arrived. I really wanted to try it with someone else and when I recognised you, I saw the ideal opportunity to act out my fantasy”.

“So you tricked me with some old story, in order to fulfil your twisted, perverted fantasies?” Sonya looked a little ashamed and embarrassed.

“Yes” she blushed.

“There’s only one thing left for me to do” I replied and picked up a large jug of maple syrup from the table closest to me. I pulled open the front of her sexy French knickers and poured the sticky syrup down. They started to bulge under the weight of the thick syrup which oozed out of the bottom of her increasingly sticky satin panties and down her thighs. When the jug was empty, I put my hands over her crotch and massaged the syrup in until her panties were stuck to her crotch and pussy. Sonya moaned loudly.

One of the tables had only a few desserts so I rearranged them carefully. A large gooey cake at the top, two smaller sloppy pies below and a large cream pie at the bottom of the table. I led Sonya to the table and bent her over it, then slowly peeled off her syrupy panties until they slid down her toned thighs. Sonya had a firm, pert, yet womanly bottom and it was now naked, wiggling sexily right in front of me.

It would be rude not to, I thought as I slapped a large custard pie hard across her exposed buttocks. The force of the pie slap made Sonya fall forwards onto the table, her face landing in the gooey cake, her bare breasts in a sloppy pie each and her crotch into the large cream pie. She lay on the table squirming, rubbing her bits further into their desserts. I, meanwhile, had picked up a bucket of cold custard and began to pour it over the back of her head and down her back as she lay face down in the desserts on the table. Sonya moaned and squealed as she was being covered in the thick, sloppy custard. I grabbed another bucket, scooped out a handful of custard and started to smear it over her bare bum and the top of her thighs. I ran my custardy hands over her firm buttocks and they felt fantastic, covered in the yellow slop. I emptied the rest of the bucket over the lower half of her body.

“Oh my god, this is amazing” Sonya gasped, clearly enjoying her brutal sploshing. I rolled her gently over until she was laid on her back on the table and then grabbed yet more custard. The first bucket was poured slowly over her chest, shoulders and head covering her tits and face; the second bucket started at her stomach and went south, over her crotch and thighs. I scooped out a handful from the second bucket and smeared it over her bare pussy. I thought Sonya was going to cum as I rubbed my messy hand between her legs and over her clit. I teased her for a while and then stopped.

“I’m so sorry to involve you in my twisted, perverted fantasies” she said dryly, her face still full of custard “this must be hell for you. You’ve clearly never done anything like this before, right?”

“Oh definitely” I lied

“So, when I wipe my eyes free of custard in a few seconds there’s no way you’re going to have an erection is there? Not after all this terrible stuff you hate”

“Absolutely not” I replied with the most indignation I could muster in the circumstances “if I have been in any way even slightly turned on by this, may you empty the remains of the other tables over my naked body”

“I am so going to hold you to that” Sonya said with some conviction. She sat up on the table and wiped the custard from her eyes. Her eyes then made a beeline for my crotch. Even if I wanted to, there was no way I was going to get rid of the erection I had, having just covered this gorgeous woman head to toe in custard. Sonya grinned widely “you’re really going to get it now”. She removed her heels which, considering the state of the floor by this stage was a good idea. She slid her bare custard covered bum off the metal table extremely gracefully under the circumstances and tottered over to the remaining table, that was about half full of all manner of desserts.

“Where to start” she pondered, but wasn’t really giving things much consideration as she grabbed the first thing she could reach with her sticky fingers – a large bowl of trifle – and dumped it unceremoniously on my head, pushing it down over my face. I left the bowl on my head as Sonya grabbed two custard pies and sandwiched my upper torso with them, rubbing one over my back and the other over my chest. Then, it was Sonya’s turn to play with the syrup as she picked up a large jug and bent me over the table. She slowly poured the sticky, brown slop over my bare buttocks using her free hand to massage it in, running her hands over my bum. Sonya’s hands felt so good on me and she must have realised she was getting a good reaction because, when the jug was emptied, she turned me round.

“You look so cute with that bowl still on your head” Sonya giggled as she grabbed another jug of maple syrup. This time she poured the jug over my cock. I could feel the syrup surging over my erect penis and then I could feel Sonya’s hand. She grabbed my cock and was sliding her hand up and down it as she continued to pour syrup over me, giving me the most amazing messy hand job, when the jug was empty she pushed me gently backwards onto the table, sitting me backwards in a large cream gateaux. I felt the cream shoot everywhere. Sonya let go of my penis and carefully removed the bowl of trifle from my head before picking up two more pies. She slapped them over my bare body and down my thighs, covering me in more cold dessert. She handed me the last pie and whispered to me “throw it in my face as I give you a blow job”.

Sonya lent over me and slowly ran her tongue over my syrup covered cock, and then she opened her sexy mouth wide and took my rock hard penis in it. This woman gave great head and I was almost reluctant to put her off her stride by slapping the pie in her face. But I did as she asked and let her have it. The cream exploded over her face and she squealed girlishly, but continued to give me the most amazing blow job. I could feel myself begin to cum, so I gently pushed her cream covered face away from my cock and eased her to the floor, opening her legs.

“Your turn” I said as I pushed my tongue between her thighs and began to work my strong tongue over her wet, syrupy pussy. I pleasured her until she came, which didn’t take long as she must have been as horny as I was.

“Fuck me” she whispered “fuck me”. I really didn’t need telling twice and within seconds we were screwing on the floor of the bakery back room; laughing, smearing slop over each other, kissing until we came, practically together. We lay in each others arms on the floor in the goo.

“What a mess” I said, eventually, surveying the room

“Yeah” Sonya agreed smiling “when I do this alone, I’m a little more measured, but I totally lost control that time, it was so hot”

“I’ll help you clean up” I offered.

“Later” Sonya beamed “let’s shower together first”. One of the doors off the storeroom opened into a pretty luxurious wet room and a shower that was big enough for both of us to share. Sonya led me in and turned on the water. The wall under the shower was shelved, so it was possible to sit underneath, something that proved useful for the amazing shower sex that ensued.

“Happy Christmas” I said louder than I realised as Sonya’s naked, wet body straddled me in the shower and I came inside her for the second time “you are amazing” I gasped.

“You’re not bad yourself” she smiled, kissing me gently as the water fell on top of us. Eventually, as we risked turning into prunes, Sonya turned the water off and handed me a dressing gown from one of the hooks in the driest corner of the room. “The dreaded clean up” she sighed, covering her stunning naked body with a dressing gown too.

She opened the shower room door back into the prep room and stood, open-mouthed.

“What’s wrong?” I asked looking behind her out of the door. I was speechless. The back room was spotless; completely and utterly spotless. There was no evidence at all of our messy pie fight; the prep tables, floor and walls all sparkled. On one of the tables there was a change of clothes for us both and a bottle of Champagne in a bucket of ice with two glasses. Sonya and I walked tentatively into the back room; it was deserted, but outside we could hear sleigh bells and what sounded like a small herd of four legged animals.

“Happy Christmas” someone yelled in a deep booming voice; then there was a loud noise - similar to the sound of light aircraft taking off and a flash of light. Then all was quiet.

“What was that?” I asked. Sonya looked over at me. “You don’t think?”

“No, that’s not possible” she said “there’s got to be a logical explanation, hasn’t there?”

“Yeah, of course” I replied. We looked at each other wide eyed “definitely a logical explanation”.

“And the logical explanation would be……”

“I have absolutely no idea, whatsoever…………….”

THE END

[enswan]

Wow ! Great story! Like the christmass touch to it as well, but all in all just a very good story Thanks for my first christmas present

[Kinemonas]

God in heaven help us!