Another Posh lady Gunging

[Count Muckular]

The Posh Lady Stoogie

Marie first saw the advert in an acting agency magazine.
It read, Wanted. Posh lady to fulfill rolls in various slapstick routines. Must be middle aged and attractive. She must have an elegant dress sense and not afraid to get extremely messy and dirty.
"Oh wow". She thought. "That sounds great". She applied for the part and before she knew, she was called up to discuss the role.
During the interview the producer told her. "Okay, over the next three months we will be doing some filming for 10 comedy shows. Every show will have a sketch where a well dressed posh lady gets messed up. There will be various roles for you to play and during each roll you will end up getting very messy and humiliated. How do you feel about that?", "Oh, that wouldn't be a problem at all. In fact I think I would probably enjoy it". "That's great" he replied. "So, here's the proposal. This is what we will be expecting from you. In the near future, we will be doing the filming for a show nearly every week. For each show we want you to play the part of a posh lady that will be the victim of some humiliating messy slapstick stunt. As you know the audience loves it when a snooty lady cops it. Before each show we will inform you what kind of mess to expect and we will give you a very generous budget for you to go out and buy yourself an expensive classy outfit. You will have to purchase the type of outfit in the right color. To compliment the type of gunging, mess, etc, that you will have to endure. We will expect you to look immaculate, with full makeup, hair styled, nice jewelry, expensive shoes, purse and even a hat if it necessary for the character."
Marie was delighted. She loved the idea of being given an open credit card to enable her to go and shop at the types of places and establishments that she could never could afford to go to herself. Even better, she would be choosing and buying the most elegant and expensive outfits without any worries about the cost. “What about my underwear?" Marie cheekily asked. "Well", the producer replied. "If you are going to be wearing extremely expensive posh outfits, I suppose you had better be wearing nice expensive underwear underneath" Marie smiled. "So, I can also put that on the card too?” "Yea. Only the very best", he laughed.

Week 1. Gunge.
The producer called Marie. "Okay. The first sketch will be filmed next week. I want you to be elegantly dressed in a semi formal outfit. The outcome is that you are going to end up in a gunge tank and be gunged with gallons of purple black slime. So, if you could call round sometime this week to arrange this." The next day she met the producer and she was given the credit card. Off she went shopping for a suitable outfit to get gunged in.
She bought a rather expensive Ivory chiffon outfit. It had an embroidered georgette jacket with a long tea length flowing ivory chiffon skirt, complimented with Ivory satin heels and purse.
Filming started the next week and as expected she turned up dressed up to the nines, looking stunning. The role was for her to attend a semi formal event at fund raising event, then to be tricked onto the stage. And find herself sat in a gunge tank. Sure enough this happened and she sat nervously inside the tank, wearing her posh outfit she waited for the deluge of messy gunge. At last the button was pressed and out poured the gunge. She got covered with brown black thick slimy gunge. She ended up 100% coated in the messy sticky slime much to the delight of the audience. As she emerged from the tank with the posh outfit now ruined, she wiped the gunge from her face and slopped off.


Week 2. Pie fight.
She was called up by the producer. "This week you will get tricked into a slapstick routine involving a massive pie fight. There will be cream cakes, custard pies, eggs' flour and buckets of slop. I want you dressed in a smart business suit so here is the card so get shopping".
She came back with a navy blue skirt suit with gray silk blouse, glossy black stockings, black heels and purse. The filming was scheduled for the next day and again she arrived on the set looking perfect in her very expensive outfit. During the sketch the pie fight was just about to start and once again she was called up on to the set. The pies and cream flans started flying and in no time she was hit in the face several times. The eggs and flour were thrown at her and the buckets of slop tipped over her head. The audience loved it. The sight of a beautiful smart lady being pied and flanned was great. She ended up completely covered with her outfit once again ruined. They clapped as she plodded of the stage.

Week 3. Food fight.
"Right" he stated, "its going to be a restaurant scene. You will need another smart suit. The sketch involves you dining at an exclusive restaurant, only this time after complaining about the service, the waiters are going to destroy you with dark colored sauces, gravy, blackcurrants, red wine and any other messy substance on hand". So off she went shopping again.
For this sketch she bought a very posh white skirt suit with a white silk tie neck blouse, white glossy natural stockings, white heels and a purse.
The sketch was set in the restaurant and the posh lady was taken to the table. Almost immediately she started to complain. She complained about the wine, she complained about the curry sauce. The gravy looked too thick, the blackcurrants to bitter and the service was bad. At last the waiter had enough. "Okay madam, would you like to try this wine?" He then began to pour the bottle of red wine all over the white suit. "Now how do like the sauce?" He picked up a very large bowl full of dark sauce and placed it upside down on her head. The audience howled. As he removed it and the messy sauce slopped all over her, down the front of her jacket and into her lap. He continued, "Would Madam like to try this gravy, perhaps?” Picking up the large jug, he peeled the jacket from her shoulders to reveal her immaculate white silk blouse. He then poured the contents all over it then replaced the jacket over the mess. He picked a plate full of dinner and smooshed it into her face. He then began to pour and smear any foodstuff that came to hand all over her suit, much to the delight of the audience. "Now would madam would like to try the desert?" He went to the kitchen and promptly arrived carrying a large can of blackcurrants under his arm, and a large jug of chocolate sauce in his hand. This was soon dispatched all over the once lovely smart woman in her once immaculate white suit. She was completely trashed with another expensive outfit now totally ruined.

Week 4. Soot.
The producer announced. "This weeks sketch is going to a dirty bedroom scene." He smiled. Maria's face lit up. He continued, “I mean dirty, not dirty. It will be a scene, reminiscent of the film Tommy but you are going to get soaked then covered in soot". Marie's face dropped. "Oh I might have guessed", she sighed. "Now you have a task. I want you to go and obtain a very glamorous negligee set, I know they are pretty hard to find these days, but remember, money is no object.
Marie set about her task and in a very posh vintage clothes shop she found just the thing. It was a vintage pale lemon full length full flowing chiffon nightdress and peignoir set. It came from Hollywood film studio clothing department where they supplied glamorous clothes etc for the extravagant movies of the 60's and 70's. It was unused and very expensive. She also bought some silk flesh stockings and suspenders to compliment this gorgeous gown.
She arrived at the studio for the sketch and got changed into her lovely peignoir set and prepared herself for the sketch.
In a lavish bedroom scene, she is applying makeup and brushing hair at dressing table. She hears a rumble and looks up at ceiling. A water tank collapses in loft above her and hits chimney breast inside the loft and it burst open, cascading down on our lovely lady. She gets totally drenched from the deluge of water. She sits there with her hair and once flowing attire soaked and sodden. She then hears another rumble and looks up again. A huge amount of black soot pours down from the broken chimney breast and is dumped all over her with a huge black cloud. When it clears the black soot has totally engulfed her and it sticks to her hair, face and the wet chiffon. She ends up completely blackened with the sticky wet soot. The lavish Hollywood relic is destroyed.


Week 5. Paint.

"Okay Marie". The producer stated. "I want you to go out and get a nice smart skirt suit again. The next sketch will be very colorful. You are going to get covered in paint. Don't worry though; we will be using water based emulsion paints. It will easily wash out of your hair, but the outfit won't survive".
For this sketch Marie bought a pale blue skirt suit, a white silk blouse light blue heels and purse also some glossy flesh stockings.
The next day at the studio the producer explained to her the shot and they began to film. "Whilst walking on to the set, you will go underneath some scaffolding when a pallet loaded with pots of colored paint will fall down and crash onto platform above you. They will burst open and spew the contents all over you". Marie once again got changed into her new outfit; with her hair and makeup applied she was ready for the sketch. The shot went to plan and as she walked underneath the scaffolding the pallet fell. The pots all burst open and exploded above her on the gantry. The messy paint poured all over the hapless lady. Just as planned, she ended up totally covered in multicolored paint.
Another smart outfit destroyed.


Week 6. Whitewash.

"This will be fun, you are going to end up swimming in a skip full of whitewash". The producer announced. "We are doing a sketch where a very elegant lady attends a formal function and gets shoved into a skip full of whitewash, so go out and buy something appropriate"
For this shot Marie bought a very expensive black chiffon outfit. It had a black long sleeved lace jacket, and a long black shin length flowing chiffon skirt. To compliment this, she also bought black glossy stockings, black satin heels with matching hat and purse.
The filming of this sketch began. And it showed an elegantly dressed posh lady coming down the steps of a building after attending a formal event. Half way down the steps, she gets accidentally pushed headfirst into a skip full of whitewash that just happens to be there. She gets totally submerged and after a short while, she emerges from the skip completely covered in whitewash still clutching her purse. Every part of her and the once elegant black outfit, including hat, shoes and purse was now brilliant white and completely ruined


Week 7. Oil.

Marie went into the producer’s office. "Next week’s sketch will be shot outside the studio. You are going to get sprayed with dirty hydraulic oil. This stuff isn't very pleasant so we will have to be careful with the shot. You will need another smart business suit for this one. Marie came back with a gray lavender skirt suit. Ivory silk blouse, glossy flesh stockings, matching heels and purse.
On the set there was a large industrial compressor. She was prompted to walk beside it as it is being started up. A pipe suddenly burst and sprays dirty slimy hydraulic oil all over her. It was a very powerful jet and she ended up completely covered in the filthy smelly oil. The pressure from the oil jet had stripped off her jacket to show her ivory silk blouse. Her bra and lace cami were now clearly visible through the dirty blouse that now had become soaked and see through with the dirty oil. Her skirt clung to her legs and her hair hung limply in greasy clumps. She replaced the sodden jacket back over her oil soaked blouse. What a horrible mess. Outfit destroyed.

Week 8. Mud.

"Sorry about that last one". The producer apologized. "We didn't realize how sticky and smelly that fluid is". "Yes". Marie replied. "It was worse to wash out than the paint. I had to wash my hair 5 times and it took 3 bottles of detergent". "Well never mind, next week’s sketch will be mud. Shouldn't be too hard to clean up after that. "You are going to attend a wedding as a posh guest, only you won't make it and can you guess why?" He asked. Marie laughed. "I think I can guess. Does this involve me getting very muddy?". "Absolutely spot on". The producer replied. “We want you to be wearing a very posh, very expensive outfit with all the accessories that you would expect a snooty lady would to be wearing. Don't spare any expense on this outfit." The producer told her. So, off she went on yet another shopping trip.
Marie went to a very exclusive designer shop to get the outfit for the wedding, and spent an absolute fortune on it. She purchased a pale pink flowing tea length silk chiffon dress with a beaded embroidered chiffon jacket. From the same shop she bought matching satin heels, purse, hat and glossy natural silk stockings.
The next week she arrived on the set all dressed up in the lovely outfit with her face and hair made up superbly. "Very nice" said the producer. " Right. What we want is for you to get into this taxi, it will travel a few yards then stop. It is going to break down in front of this muddy puddle. We. Then want you to get out of the taxi, stand by the side and wait. The filming started and the taxi stopped. The elegant lady in all her finery got out of the car and stood in front of the pool. A truck went past and she got drenched with water and mud. Then another truck went past and she got deluged again. Yet another truck splashed past her covered her in mud and she fell backwards into the muddy pool. As she tried to crawl out of the mud, another truck drove through the puddle which had now turned into mud and sloshed her with a huge wave of mud. She ended up completely covered from head to foot in black mud. She stood up with the mud dripping off her, wiping it out of her eyes and face. The once beautiful lady, wearing that very expensive elegant outfit was now coated in mud and completely destroyed.

Week 9. Explosion.

"Do you like ballroom dancing?" Enquired the producer. "Well, I've never done it before, but I guess I would, especially if I get to wear one of those lovely flowing gowns." replied Marie. "Well, it’s your lucky day. We are doing a ballroom dancing sketch next week and you will be wearing a nice ball gown but you won't be doing any dancing." He smiled. "What will I be doing then?" Asked Marie. "We are going to do is blow you up". Marie gasped. "What do you mean, blown me up?" The producer laughed. "Not literally. We are just going to make it look like you have been blown up in a comical style. Just wait and see." The next day Marie was taken to the wardrobe department to pick her gown. It was full of the most expensive and glamorous ball gowns that she had ever seen. "Pick anyone you like" the producer told her".
After a long while she chose the palest of blue ankle length ball gown decorated with sparkling diamante’s, and sequins. It had very full flowing chiffon skirts and puffed up with loads of frothy organza petticoats. "Oh. That's absolutely gorgeous," she stated. She then picked some sparkly satin high heeled dance shoes and a set of diamante jewelry consisting of a necklace, earrings and bracelets to compliment the gown.
The day of the filming came and the crew were already at ballroom to do the sketch along with a number of makeup artists and effect personnel. Marie went into the makeup room to get her hair perfectly coffered and her makeup superbly applied. She looked absolutely immaculate then she changed into her beautiful flowing expensive ball gown.
The filming began and Marie, in all her finery was called up onto the set for this shot. She was then tricked and asked to go a large cupboard to find source of a gas leak, but as soon as she was inside, someone shouted, "Don’t switch on the lights". Too late. "BOOM". Unknown to the audience, there were a number of makeup artist inside the room ready to destroy her. Very quickly, they slashed and tore huge rents in her gorgeous gown, ripping it to pieces. They threw soot all over the dress and smeared black sooty grease all over her face, arms and legs. They then destroyed her lovely hairdo by rubbing soot and grease into it and finally, they carefully rubbed dry ice over the gown to give the appearance of smoke. She emerged from the cupboard with her beautiful gown now in shreds, filthy and covered in soot. Her once immaculate hairdo gone and her face blackened. The torn shredded layers of her ruined dress were smoking. Someone picked up a fire extinguisher and drenched her. She stood there. Soaked, filthy and in rags. The lovely dancer was now totally trashed and the pretty outfit completely destroyed.

Week 10. Everything.

After the dancing sketch was over, Marie got cleaned up and changed. She was asked to see the producer in his office. "Okay Marie. This will be the last sketch of the series. We are filming an award ceremony and we want you to accept an award. But as you probably expect, it isn’t going to be any ordinary award. We want you to go out and buy, (at our expense) the most exquisite expensive gown for you to wear on the night of the awards. When you are called up onto the stage there will be a short interview, then you will receive the award". The meeting ended and Marie went home.
The next day she went shopping for her dress. She chose the most beautiful Jenny Peck ham creation. It was a full length white chiffon A line gown. It had two layers of soft floaty chiffon over a silk satin lining, with long chiffon scarves flowing from the shoulders it had thin straps and sparkling diamante detail on the bodice and straps. She picked some long white satin opera gloves and a full set of sparkling diamante jewelry, consisting of a tiara, necklace, earrings, watch and bracelets to compliment the dress. Finally she chose the shoes. White satin strappy heels, also decorated with diamante. The outfit cost a fortune.
The day came for the awards and Marie arrived. She looked stunning in her lovely long white flowing gown. Her makeup had been professionally applied and her hair styled superbly. The ceremony began and eventually Marie was called up to the stage. Nervously she went up the stairs and onto the stage as she knew what to expect. "Ah. Marie" the host retorted. "You look absolutely gorgeous. What a beautiful dress. Do you think it is going to survive the night?” Marie nervously smiled and whispered, "I doubt it". "Anyway, here we have a special award for the snooty lady. It’s an award to show how game this lady has been and to show our appreciation. First a few questions." He began to ask her. "Well Marie how did you become the snooty lady?". "Actually", she replied, I just saw the advert in a magazine, so I phoned the producer and I got the part." "And how do you feel about getting messed up and all those terrible things that happen to you?" He asked her." Oh, it’s not so bad, in fact sometimes it’s fun. It’s not every day you get all dressed up and do things that you would never normally dream of doing". "But what about those lovely clothes you wear? Are they new? And who chooses them?" "Oh yes". She replied. "Everything I wear is always brand new. I am given an allowance and I go out to buy them myself. They tell me what sort of mess to expect so I go and buy something appropriate". "But they look very expensive and what happens to them after?” He enquired. Marie continued. "Yes they are all designer makes. Coterie, Gina Bacconi, Tom Bowker, Jacques Vert'e, Frank Usher, Condici, to name just a few". "But what happens to them after?" He enquired again. "Oh they are all ruined. Completely destroyed. You can't expect an ivory silk chiffon Tom Bowker outfit to survive a gunging with brown purple slime, a pure wool Austin Reed suit to clean up after being covered in flour and custard or to save a fabulous vintage chiffon peignoir set after it gets deluged with soot. Yes everything ends up in the dustbin. Even my underwear." The host’s ears pricked up at this. "Underwear, what do you mean"."It was decided that if I was going to wear lovely expensive outfits I would also be wearing beautiful expensive underwear underneath. So we found an exclusive company to supply me with silk lingerie, slips, camisoles suspenders belts etc all of which always end up ruined. The host shook his head. "Okay are you ready for your special award now?" He enquired. "Yes, let me have it." Marie replied. "Okay, everyone. Let's have a big cheer for Marie. The posh lady."
As the crowd cheered, an extra walked onto the set holding a large custard pie. He stood there, and the host announced, "Okay let her have it", and the sloppy pie was smooshed into her pretty face. It splattered all over her. She wiped the sticky custard from out of her eyes with her gloved hands as the runny custard poured over her shoulders and down the front of her gown. Another extra entered the stage holding two large chocolate blackcurrant flans. These were soon smashed into her. The first one was crammed into the bodice and rubbed into her cleavage, the next one pushed into her tummy and groin of the dress and smeared all over. Another extra entered the stage this time holding a very large bowl of curry sauce. He placed the bowl on her head and lifted it up slightly, the contents poured out. The messy sauce flowed over her hair, face, arms, gloves, and down the bodice and skirts of her gown. Two extras appeared, one holding a bucket full of used dirty cooking oil and the other carrying a sack of soot. The oily greasy contents of the bucket were dispatched over her head and shoulders to cover the gown in the horrible stinking oil. The soot was emptied all over her head and dress and it stuck to the greasy oil. Four more extras appeared, each with a large bucket full of paint. The first one flung the contents at her. It was dark green and it hit her full on. The next bucket contained dark blue paint and that was duly dispatched over her. The third extra carrying the bucket of dark purple paint, stood behind her and emptied it over the back of her head and all down the back of her gown. The last bucket was much larger than the other three buckets and the extra called to the side of the stage for a small pair of step ladders to be brought on. These we're placed behind the once lovely lady standing in her trashed attire. The extra ascended the steps and began to pour the contents all over. It was full of black paint. The paint flowed over her and mixed with the mess that was already over her and soon she was completely coated in a thick sloppy layer of multicolored gunk. That once gorgeous lady wearing that beautiful gown was now an unrecognizable blob of paint and gunge. Everything was destroyed. The gown, the hairdo, the jewelry, the shoes and even her underwear completely destroyed. The audience loved it. The host announced, "A big hand for the lovely Marie". With each hand she picked up the sides of her skirt that were once white flowing chiffon, but were now heavy, sodden, filthy and utterly ruined. She presented the audience with a courtesy. They cheered and clapped as she made her way off the stage leaving a trail of paint on the floor from the hems of her gown.

[matt2matt2002]

Great stories / setting
Giving me quite a few ideas for a session of my own tonight