Miss (Splosh) World

[paulthepieman]

Hi Everyone

To celebrate the 20th anniversay of Splosh I thought I would create a little story, I hope you all like it.

PaulthePieman

Miss (Splosh) World

To mark the 20th Anniversary of Splosh, Bill has really pushed the boat out and everyone is gathered here at the Royal Albert Hall in London (apparently Bill got it cheap after The Muppets had to cancel due to Miss Piggy having Swine flu!) for the final of the Miss (Splosh) World competition, similar to Miss World, Miss (Splosh) World is a beauty contest to find the nations favourite Splosh star of the last 20 years. Entries have flooded in from around the world (despite the postal strike!!) and everyone is now gathered to see the final 10 and see who has been voted Miss (Splosh) World.

The event is being hosted by 2 ladies Splosh fans will have grown up with Holly Willoughby and Sally James.

The lights are dimmed and the capacity audience is hushed, then a booming voice announces “Ladies & Gentlemen may I introduce your hosts for tonight Miss Holly Willoughby and Miss Sally James, the song “Here come the girls” starts playing and as the lights go up Holly and Sally and walking down a glitzy staircase in the middle of the stage, Holly is wearing a long tight white low cut dress, slit to the left thigh (similar to the Dancing on Ice outfit that caused all the problems), 5 inch stilettos, and obscured from view a white g-string and no bra, Sally has gone for the more casual look and is wearing a tight white Tiswas T-shirt, a faded blue knee length denim skirt and black fishnet stockings and 4 inch black ankle boots, beneath she is wearing a matching with lacy bra & g-string), she may not have been on TV for a while but age has still not altered her looks and the crowd are on the feet as Sally and Holly arrive at a podium to the side of the stairs.

The music stops and the crowd dies down, “Welcome to Miss (Splosh) World everyone” said Holly, “you know what we are hear for, to find the nations favourite splosh star of the last twenty years, I can confirm that thousands of votes have been cast and counted by Bill and his team and now we can name the ten finalists, Sally”

“Thanks Holly, so without further ado, lets meet the first finalist, all the way from Belfast its Decadent Doll” screamed Sally, the lights dimmed and the video wall behind the stage started playing some of Dolly’s greatest splosh moments, them Dolly appeared at the top of the stairs and walks slowly down she is wearing a black low cut leather mini dress, black stockings and 5 inch heals, beneath she has a black g-string”. Dolly walks to the front of the stage were 10 bar stools have been set out on a slightly raised platform and takes a seat.

As the applause dies down the spotlight falls back on Holly “thanks for that Decadent Doll and now for our second finalist its Louise Hodges”, the video wall starts up again and Louise appears at the top of the stairs she is wearing a short tight minidress, showing off every inch of her curves, and a pear of black leather knee boots, beneath the dress she is wearing a tiny pair of green pants, she shimmies to the front of the stage and to a chorus of cheers takes her place on the next stool.

The spotlight falls back onto Sally, “well if the first two are anything to go by this is certainly doing to be some night” said Sally, “anyway now for our youngest contestant in the final, and I hope everyone will give her a liberal round of applause it Katie Green”, the video wall starts up and Katie appears at the top of the stairs, she is wearing a long tight purple dress, slashed revealingly to the thigh and a pair of purple 6 inch stilettos, with a flesh coloured thong underneath, Katie carefully negotiates the stairs and to resounding applause takes her place on the stools.

“Well Katie was certainly very popular” said Holly, “but how popular will out next finalist be, this lady has been with splosh from the beginning and for many years has been Bill’s right hand woman, it’s Hayley!!!!!” a massive raw goes up as Hayley appears at the tope of the stairs, she is wearing a tight white knee length dress which is clinging to every curve, on her feet are a pair of strappy 4 inch shoes and beneath the dress is a white g-string. Hayley makes her way to her stool and the hosts wait for the noise to subside.

Eventually order is restored and Sally takes the microphone “we our next finalist has spent the last few years in the Silly House, but they’ve let her out for tonight it’s Gilly Sampson!!!!” Gilly appears at the top of the stairs in a skin-tight black and gold minidress which seems to be straining to keep her tits in place, she is wearing gold 4 inch stilettos and beneath a gold g-string, she makes her way down the stairs and the crowd go wild with security guards having to hold some of the crowd back to stop them storming the stage.

“Wow” said Holly “Gilly certainly proved popular but will our audience go KP nuts over this next contestant its Karen Partington”, Karen appeared at the top of the stairs, looking slightly older than when she last graced Splosh magazine but the years had certainly been kind to her and she walked down the stair in a billowing long flowing yellow dress, with matching yellow 5 inch stilettos, getting a mixed reception as some of the younger members of the audience not having seen her before whilst the older ones cheered her enthusiastically.

As Karen sits down attention falls back to Sally, “well that’s 6 finalists down and only 4 more to go, and who’s this creeping about beneath the skirting boards… it’s Mouse!!!!” Mouse appeared at the top of the stairs in a tiny skin tight rubber mini dress the hem of which ended somewhere in the region of her naval so as she walked in her 6 inch heal black leather knee boots the whole world could see she hadn’t bothered with knickers, as the audience noticed this they started going wild as Mouse walked to the front of the stage to give then a good view before taking her seat.

“Well that’s one way to gain votes” joked Holly, “lets see what out next contestant is going to do, at first I thought this was the girl from S-Club 7, but turns out I got the wrong one, it’s Rachel Stevens!!!”, Rachel appears at the top of the stairs in a shimmering glittery silver skin tight minidress which is just about holding her giant tits in place, she totters down the stairs in a pair of 3 inch silver heals and out of site a silver thong, and walks to the front of the stage were she whips out her tits and quickly flashes them at the audience before putting them back in her dress. Needless too say the crowd go wild as she takes her seat.

“This is going to be one hard contest to judge” says Sally “but now to our penultimate finalist and lady who needs no introduction in the Splosh world its Samantha-Jane!!!!!!!” Sammy appears at the top of the steps in a stunning bright red ball gown, the dress clinging to her tits before flowing down to floor level, on her feet a pair of red 6 inch shoes, and out of site a pair of bright read panties, the audience goes mad as Sammy walks to her seat amid a cacophony of cheers, whistles and shouting.

With the audience finally silent its over to Holly, “and now it’s time for our last finalist and what a lot she has to live up to from what we have seen already it’s……Jo Bache, Jo appears at the top of the stairs in a long royal blue dress, tight to her hips and chest, she is wearing a pair of silver high heals and unbeknown to the audience a black g-string. Jo walks down the stairs and takes her place in the row.

The spotlight falls back on Holly and Sally, “well here we are” said Sally, “we have got out 10 finalists and all we need to do now is announce the winner”,

“The winner” announces Holly, “will receive a diamond and gold crown, £10,000 and the title of Miss (Splosh) World, so with no more of a do Sally will announce the winner is, Sally”.

“Thank you Holly” said Sally as she opens a gold envelope a stage hand had just passed to her “and the winner of Miss (Splosh) World 2009 is…………………………………”,

Suddenly the lights go down and then start flashing, sirens and claxons start going off and there is total panic as no one either the hosts, finalists of audience know what is going back on, suddenly the light go back up and there at the front of the stage the floor has folded back to reveal a pit about 20 foot square filled about 2 foot deep with custard and before anyone can quite realise what is happening the finalist’s stools flip forward like a bucking bronco and said the 10 girls flying face first into the custard, as the 10 finalists try to compose themselves in the pit they are all covered in custard, their posh frocks are ruined and several pairs of tits have broken free from their feeble supports and are on show to the audience which is now going wild shouting fight, fight, fight!!!

The audience don’t have long to wait as the girls realising that this is the work of Bill start to enjoy themselves flinging custard at each other and rubbing it into each other. Holly and Sally not quite knowing what was happening have walked down to the edge of the pit to see what is happening, Gilly who by now has lost her dress notices them watching and throws a handful of custard at the hosts, one handful catches Holly right in the face and closing her eyes she staggers forward only to fall face first into the pit to a huge cheers from the crowd, Samantha Jane meanwhile has found a way out of the pit and sneaked up onto the stage behind Sally and putting her finger to her lip to silence the crowd, who watch excitedly knowing what is coming next as Sammy sneaks up behind Sally and shoves her into the pit before jumping back in herself.

With the 2 presenters now in the pit the contestants waste no time Sammy, Gilly and Hayley rip Holly’s dress to shreds and rip off her of her g-string and are rubbing handfuls of custard into every nook and crannie of her body, meanwhile Dolly and Mouse have stripped Sally naked and Dolly is fulfilling a dream of rubbing handfuls of custard into Sally’s fanny, and from the noises Sally is making she is not objecting too much. The rest of the girls are engaged in a mass fight with Katie Green coming off the worst being stripped naked and having all the other girls rubbing custard into her body.

With the girls in the pit engrossed in what they are doing, and by now naked, and the audience going wild at what they are watching no one notices a large crate slide into place over head and the first anyone in the pit knows about it is when 40 gallon of baked beans is dropped from 40 feet in the air on top of them they weight of the beans hitting the custard causes everyone to stop momentarily giving time for Holly, Sally and Katie to regain the feet before the mix of beans and custards starts to fly again.

This time Hayley, Sammy and Gilly seem to have come of worst of the bunch as they are pushed down deep into the mud and the rest of the girls including Holly and Sally, ramming handfuls of the messy mixture into every orifice, at this point the audience are going wild and someone has obviously been handing out bucketfuls of gunge around the audience as there is an almost constant shower off mess pouring down onto the girls from the audience.

Others in the audience are also throwing sex toys into the pit and it is not long before the girls are using them on each other with the gasps and scream of delight being totally inaudible over the noise of the crowd.

Then another large crate even bigger than the last is lowered over the pit and released sending a giant vat full of sticky treacle all over the girls, before the treacle has had a chance to dry another crate appears and drops a huge amount of white flour over the pit, with the flour sticking to the treacle, turning everyone totally unrecognisable.

At that point the light go back up and a tannoy announces that everyone is to go back onto the stage, it takes a few moments for everyone to stop but slowly the 12 white unrecognisable figures exit the side of the pit and clamber up the stairs at the side on to the stage, leaving behind this massive trail of glue.

Now everyone is on the stage, no one has any idea who is who, then the spotlight falls on the top of the stairs, were a slightly scruffy figure of a man wearing blue jeans and a black t-shirt can be seen, the man walks down the stairs and can be recognised as Mr Splosh himself Bill Shipton, Bill walks to the front of the stage and pick up the microphone “well ladies and gentlemen I hope you liked the entertainment there, but now it is time to unveil the winner of the Miss (Splosh) World” he takes an envelope from his pocket and opens it “and the winner of Miss (Splosh) World is…………” at this point the 12 girls on the stage charge forward grabbing Bill and flinging him into the pit before all diving in to join him.

Who won the title, may never be none, but one thing is for sure, the audience loved every minute of it.

Happy 20th Birthday Splosh

The End

[Richard]

Very nice idea, Paul! Might be worthwhile to set up a poll