The Splosh UK Forum

By this I mean what aspects of adult films/videos put you off? Not just wam vids but other adult stuff, whether hard or soft core.

To start the balls rolling, I'll give a couple of examples:

1. I dislike most body piercings; a discrete stud in the earlobe is OK but rings and other metallic stuff in the eyebrows, genitals, nipples, bellybuttons, tongues, etc turn me off completely!

2. Allied to the above, my second dislike is tattoos; I can see no good reason for disfiguring the body by engraving elaborate 'pictures' on it. The human body is, for the most part, beautifully designed and constructed, so any attempted enhancement is both counterproductive and unnecessary!

Perhaps you have other examples.

Victor Meldrew esq.

Hmmm... my biggest personal peeve in all kinds of adult film is the extreme close up... probably due to my personal preference for sexy outfits and the like, but I find too many films over-focus on penetration which just doesn't do it for me as much as a shot catching more of the scene, so that I can choose what I want to look at. Many softcore films are guilty of it too, actually.

As for the ones you've mentioned Richard, I can't say I fully agree with you (as you might have guessed when we met in Bristol!), I find good tattoos attractive and bad ones terrible. Similarly with piercings, a little I can deal with, and sometimes I like them, but someone can have too many for me.

Bad overacting from women, pretending they're much moe turned on then they really are. When they're going "oh yeah, oh yeah, fuck me, fuck me" in an over-the-top fake way. V. offputting.

As for my peeves in messy vids? Don't get me started!!

V. Meldrew II

I don't know if this is this a generational or age-group thing, but I agree whole-heartedly with Richard on piercings, and tattoos (particularly on women, where they have been nicknamed 'tramp stamps').

I'd like to add overly surgically-enhanced boobs to the list.

Mike.

Oh, all you old fogies! Don't see anyone complaining about my 'modifications'! I can see how they would be a turn off, though (though imo, you only get one body and you should be able to do what you like with it.) Mike, tramp stamps are only tattoos on the lower back, where its said women get them because only the men who are taking them from behind can see them.

My peeves in porn? Same as my dearest, too many close-ups of penetration. Its not the most attractive act in the world and while I like to see some there are other things that could be focused on equally. Also I've had to turn porn off before, several times, because the woman is just bloody annoying. Often it will be her voice - I don't dislike OTT sex noises, but I do hate some peoples tone of voice when they are doing them. I also don't like gaping bum holes, scary fannies or people wanking in the background. Find something useful to do!

films with nowhere enough cunnilingus, or a guy (or girl) doing it waaaaaaaay too fast and hard so it looks ridiculous like the film has been sped up. usually accompanied by the giver frantically looking up at the receiver to see if the frenzied attack is working yet....this is particularly bad if the guy has stubble, then I feel sorry for the girls poor pussy. Not only has she no chance of actually cumming but she will end up sore too

Girls with mouth open like a baby bird who's parent has just fetched a few worms awaiting cum, then faking an orgasm when it hits their face... oh purleeeeease make it stop.... at least the fake orgasm bit.

badly done boob jobs (just looks bad)

over inflated muscle men (too unrealistic)

cocks that are so big they never get fully hard (frustrating)

sleazy ugly wankers at it with beautiful girls. (not pleasant viewing and also not fair)

bleached arseholes!

hairy ladybits... even if its only a little strip

bad underwear, male or female

bad backdrops

oh... I seem to have released my inner victoria meldrew

Richard wrote:The human body is, for the most part, beautifully designed and constructed, so any attempted enhancement is both counterproductive and unnecessary!

That statement reminds me of this Ali G clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqZKW1WEVlM esp the bit (5:20-5:33) where the he's interviewing says 'your body is beautifully constructed' and Ali says 'thank you'!!!

Phantom wrote:Bad overacting from women, pretending they're much moe turned on then they really are. When they're going "oh yeah, oh yeah, fuck me, fuck me" in an over-the-top fake way. V. offputting.

I would definitely agree with that.

I don't like conventional porn at all to be honest and don't watch it. Not out of moral outrage (hardly!) but purely cos 'beautiful' men and women having sex doesn't really 'involve' me. No, I am not suggesting the attractive girl/ugly bloke scenario which is just delusional, personally watching any bloke at it fails to excite me. Not my age, I've always found it laughable.

Porn dislikes would be: (lots of repeats of above here)

Women talking dirty but you can't hear them due to poor sound.

To much gasping and faking.

Ladies wearing dildos in ecstasy when they are being sucked.

Don't like any rough and nasty stuff. (each to there own)

Lengthy close ups.

Spotty bums.

Shaving rashes.

Muscle men.

Slapping faces and pussies with cocks and everyone going wild.

Underwear that suddenly dissapears without you seeing it come off.

Bikinis that get discarded before the sex.

I could go on..........

Loving this thread so far

I agree 100% about too many closeups of penetration- not least because they usually involve that camera angle that mainly gives you a lovely closeup view of some bloke's spotty arse and his balls slapping around as he's pumping in and out- Definitely not appealing and guaranteed to get me reaching for the fast forward button....

Rough stuff is a definite turn-off, especially stuff like the guy slapping his cock around on the girls face, or trying to ram it as far as humanly possible down her throat when she's giving a BJ....and like Candy said, if the guy cums over the girl's face, there really is no need for her to fake an orgasm. I don't mind the odd bit of bukkake even, but just don't try and convince me a faceful of spunk is going to give a girl an orgasm. Laugh, make a witty comment, complain about getting it in your hair or whatever, but don't give us the full 'When Harry Met Sally'- no-one's going to believe it...

Oh yes,a few people have mentioned this one, and it's very high on my list as well- really badly surgically 'enhanced' boobs- I love big boobs as much as the next man, but I wantproper boobs- not a couple of out-of-proportion beach balls strapped to her chest...

I'm with Bill on this, I dont watch the normal porn films because they don't do anything for me, although hubby loves them, i feel the women all look samey, the close ups of the guys widget going in the womans moo leaves me cold, the way a woman has her boob touched and goes "Aaaah yeaaah" (must be very senstitive), and when the guys is ramming his widget down her thraot so far it should come out the other end of her bum,.

I like tattoos on ladies if pretty (i have a little pegasus on my arm and im not a tramp, just like little tattoos ). I have my nose pierced but only have a pretty stud in it, but that doesnt really matter because ive never been in a porno awyway, if i was the dialogue would be
"Oh yeah, give me your widget in my moo baby"
and the male would say "What the hell are you babbling on about???"

Nah i dont do mainstream porn either, i just really dont need to see some guy`s schlong. Give me heavilly tattooed lesbians doin the Splosh thang anyday.

Widget, he's got a widget, a widget, a widget's what he's got...

I don't really follow porn as such either - seen one, seen them all I'm afraid

The conventional porn actress does little for me - young, blonde , tanned, thin, surgiacally enhanced, 'perfect' in every way - does nothing for me. Jordan, for example, I find completely unsexy even though being sexy is supposed what she's all about - (nothing against the woman personally - since I've never met her).

I like to see 'real' women - curves, plump bellies and thighs, lines on the face, real boobs, who look as if they're genuinely enjoying themselves.

Conventional porn is seldom a turn on anyway. I like to see some imagination - role play, scenarios you could imagine yourself in, something that isn't just a clinical depiction of organs. I don't really like to see men involved at all.

Even in sploshing it is much better to see an imaginative scenario, with different outfits and situations, rather than just a woman sitting there and being pied. And I definitely prefer the actress to be anything other than a plastic looking twenty-something, who isn't enjoying it at all.

josie39 wrote:"Oh yeah, give me your widget in my moo baby""

Widget & Moo - what a great name for a double act!