The Large Hayleytron Pie/Face Collider
Posted: 11 Sep 2008, 15:51Good afternoon boffins everywhere
I am happy to say that we at Splosh! have started on the biggest pie-entific experiment in human history. Yesterday we switched on the Large Hayleytron Pie/Face Collider for the first time.
Buried 200 ft under the litter of St Leonards, the collider is a long tunnel containing a machine that can throw literally billions of pies at speeds close to the speed of light at an intended victim, keeping even her happy. It was built to emulate the throwing of the first ever pie 20 billion years ago which led to the creation of the WAM Universe - an event that has come to be known as the Big Splat.
Yesterday, after a countdown by a nutty Welsh bloke, we sent the first pies on their way to make sure the machine worked. They soon reached the speed of shite (the length of time it takes for a curry to come out as a fart and diarhoea) and are now whirling around waiting to make contact. At present they have nothing to collide with as the victim, volunteer scientist, Hayley Brownovsky has yet to get into the tunnel as she is still doing her make-up and deciding what to wear. Experts, well only one actually, have suggested a Hazmat suit.
When the billions of pies start hitting Hayley at full speed, it is hoped many questions that have baffled sploshers for centuries will be answered. How did sploshing begin? Is there a so-called God pie that started it all off? Will the collisions cause the whole planet to disappear in a black hole or merely make a bit of a mess on the carpet? And why doesn't Hayley (or Bill for that matter) go to splunches?
In the meantime, we can only hope that the Large Hayleytron Pie/Face Collider does its job. A great day for science. A great day for the Welsh (apart from losing to Russia in the World Cup) and an orgasm for Hayley if we don't run out of pies.
Wish us luck,
Prof Bill Hawking
I am happy to say that we at Splosh! have started on the biggest pie-entific experiment in human history. Yesterday we switched on the Large Hayleytron Pie/Face Collider for the first time.
Buried 200 ft under the litter of St Leonards, the collider is a long tunnel containing a machine that can throw literally billions of pies at speeds close to the speed of light at an intended victim, keeping even her happy. It was built to emulate the throwing of the first ever pie 20 billion years ago which led to the creation of the WAM Universe - an event that has come to be known as the Big Splat.
Yesterday, after a countdown by a nutty Welsh bloke, we sent the first pies on their way to make sure the machine worked. They soon reached the speed of shite (the length of time it takes for a curry to come out as a fart and diarhoea) and are now whirling around waiting to make contact. At present they have nothing to collide with as the victim, volunteer scientist, Hayley Brownovsky has yet to get into the tunnel as she is still doing her make-up and deciding what to wear. Experts, well only one actually, have suggested a Hazmat suit.
When the billions of pies start hitting Hayley at full speed, it is hoped many questions that have baffled sploshers for centuries will be answered. How did sploshing begin? Is there a so-called God pie that started it all off? Will the collisions cause the whole planet to disappear in a black hole or merely make a bit of a mess on the carpet? And why doesn't Hayley (or Bill for that matter) go to splunches?
In the meantime, we can only hope that the Large Hayleytron Pie/Face Collider does its job. A great day for science. A great day for the Welsh (apart from losing to Russia in the World Cup) and an orgasm for Hayley if we don't run out of pies.
Wish us luck,
Prof Bill Hawking
