Tis the season to be corny ... so let's have 'em: your best (and your worst) Christmas cracker jokes!!!
Here's a small sampling of my favourites:
What's got 50 legs but can't walk?
Half a centipede.
What do you call a nut with a cold?
Cashew.
Where does a chimp toast his bread?
Under a gorilla.
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on him.
Why was 6 scared of 7?
Because 7,8,9
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
In the same place you left it.
What's the difference between snowmen and snow women?
Snowballs.
All right, all right. Stop groaning ... and share some of your own.
Phestive Phantom
Off Topic - That's a cracker!
by messylaura » 10 Dec 2006, 19:25
What you call an amish guy with his hand up a horses arse?
A mechanic
ok it wasnt a cracker joke,
A mechanic
ok it wasnt a cracker joke,
-
messylaura - Posts: 548 [ View ]
- Joined: 11 Sep 2006, 19:43
- Location: N.London (male)
by Richard » 11 Dec 2006, 13:11
Hayley wrote:Phuck me!
I might just move this into the Reading Room... Off topic is one thing but jokes, hmmm....
Hayley
Hayley, I started a jokes thread in the Reading Room some time ago but nobody seems interested
Richard
by easy_as_ » 11 Dec 2006, 16:21
'Tis the season to be jolly indeed:D
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
BOOM ! BOOM ! . . . .
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays".
AND THERE'S MORE . . . .
A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, I thought, "That's a turtle disaster".
IT'S THE WAY I TYPE 'EM . . . . . .
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
BOOM ! BOOM ! . . . .
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays".
AND THERE'S MORE . . . .
A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, I thought, "That's a turtle disaster".
IT'S THE WAY I TYPE 'EM . . . . . .
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Who ate all the pies ? What a waste of pie !
by easy_as_ » 11 Dec 2006, 19:11
Here's some jokes about races that aren't racist !
. . . it could be a running joke, in an athletic sense !
_____________________________________
How do you start a jelly race?
Get set!
________________________________
How do you start a tapioca race?
Sago!
__________________________________
How do you start a Teddy Bear race?
Ready Teddy Go.
___________________________________
Why do elephants wear running shoes?
For running, of course.
__________________________________
How do you start a firefly race?
Ready, set, glow!
_____________________________________
What runs but never moves?
A fence.
_______________________________________
Why did the bald man take up running?
To get some fresh 'air.
____________________________________
Did you hear about the hopeless athlete?
He ran a bath and came in second.
______________________________________
. . . it could be a running joke, in an athletic sense !
_____________________________________
How do you start a jelly race?
Get set!
________________________________
How do you start a tapioca race?
Sago!
__________________________________
How do you start a Teddy Bear race?
Ready Teddy Go.
___________________________________
Why do elephants wear running shoes?
For running, of course.
__________________________________
How do you start a firefly race?
Ready, set, glow!
_____________________________________
What runs but never moves?
A fence.
_______________________________________
Why did the bald man take up running?
To get some fresh 'air.
____________________________________
Did you hear about the hopeless athlete?
He ran a bath and came in second.
______________________________________
Who ate all the pies ? What a waste of pie !
by easy_as_ » 11 Dec 2006, 19:18
Hayley wrote:Sigh........
Okay then:
Why did Al Jolson get so nervous before a show?
He suffered from pre-minstrel tension.
Brrrr-tish. I zankeeewww
Ho-ho-Hayley
Was he worried they would melt in his hand or something ?
The candy crisp shell is designed to specifically prevent that from happening . . .
Who ate all the pies ? What a waste of pie !
28 posts
• Page 1 of 2 • 1, 2
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests