Story

[Otif]

Hello all,

I was looking around on the web and actually found a story I wrote almost 15 years ago. It was a request from a girlfriend I had who wanted a story about two ladies playing together. Well I was much younger and less experienced than I am now (as the writing and some terms may show) but over all I am happy with the outcome. Re-reading this story I see several spelling and grammatical errors and even a few places I would fix if I ever got the inclination to do so. So what I'm saying is that it is NOT golden prose but I hope you will all find it entertaining nonetheless. All I know is that at the time it made my girlfriend very happy and she really enjoyed the dialogue, oh and the pies.

I can't believe it is still on the Internet!

Enjoy and comments welcomed.


http://www.chocmess.com/stories/Aviar/dogfault.htm

Otif

[Otif]

No comments?

[Otif]

34 people read the thread (hopefully the story) and no comments?? Seriously good / bad I 'd love to hear them.

[Hayley]

Probably all guests!!

Will give it my bedtime reading test tonight!

Hayley

[DecadentDoll]

You'll find a lot of people lack the time and patience for a story where there aren't any pictures sadly.

Of course,I am not one of these people, only just caught the thread and just read the story. Cheeky and fun, a touch of realism...and oodles of mess.

Me likee made me want to get together with a friend in the kitchen....y'know, just 'cos...

[Otif]

It started out being a bit realistic then of course got drowned out in the fetish side, not that there is anything wrong with that.

I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the comment.

[KingArthur]

Just read your story, Otif, and it's an absolute corker. I enjoy long stories (a fan of LOTR and Discworld - neither of whom have short chapters) and this one held my attention from the first phone call til the last conversation. Well done, Sir. I liked the way the story had structure, and every pie was a seperate event.

King Arthur

[Otif]

I appreciate your comments. It was my aim to make each pie splut seperate from the rest with reactions and such.