Off Topic - That's a cracker!

View · by **Phantom** » 10 Dec 2006, 19:09

Tis the season to be corny ... so let's have 'em: your best (and your worst) Christmas cracker jokes!!!

Here's a small sampling of my favourites:

What's got 50 legs but can't walk?
Half a centipede.

What do you call a nut with a cold?
Cashew.

Where does a chimp toast his bread?
Under a gorilla.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on him.

Why was 6 scared of 7?
Because 7,8,9

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
In the same place you left it.

What's the difference between snowmen and snow women?
Snowballs.

All right, all right. Stop groaning ... and share some of your own.

Phestive Phantom

View · by **Hayley** » 10 Dec 2006, 19:22

Phuck me!

I might just move this into the Reading Room... Off topic is one thing but jokes, hmmm....

Hayley

View · by **messylaura** » 10 Dec 2006, 19:25

What you call an amish guy with his hand up a horses arse?
A mechanic

ok it wasnt a cracker joke,

by **Madrox** » 10 Dec 2006, 20:19

What did one snowman say to the other snowman ?

Can you smell carrots.

View · by **Hayley** » 10 Dec 2006, 23:40

Okay, I give in...

Rubbish jokes it is...but PLEASE no racist ones.

Hayley

View · by **Richard** » 11 Dec 2006, 13:11

Hayley wrote:Phuck me!

I might just move this into the Reading Room... Off topic is one thing but jokes, hmmm....

Hayley

Hayley, I started a jokes thread in the Reading Room some time ago but nobody seems interested

Richard

View · by **Hayley** » 11 Dec 2006, 14:07

Not surprised, Richard. Jokes don't really do it for me, but seeing as it's Christmas...

Hayley

View · by **easy_as_** » 11 Dec 2006, 16:21

'Tis the season to be jolly indeed:D

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".

BOOM ! BOOM ! . . . .

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays".

AND THERE'S MORE . . . .

A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, I thought, "That's a turtle disaster".

IT'S THE WAY I TYPE 'EM . . . . . .

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

View · by **Hayley** » 11 Dec 2006, 17:05

Sigh........

Okay then:

Why did Al Jolson get so nervous before a show?
He suffered from pre-minstrel tension.

Brrrr-tish. I zankeeewww

Ho-ho-Hayley

View · by **easy_as_** » 11 Dec 2006, 19:11

Here's some jokes about races that aren't racist !

. . . it could be a running joke, in an athletic sense !
_____________________________________

How do you start a jelly race?

Get set!

________________________________

How do you start a tapioca race?

Sago!

__________________________________

How do you start a Teddy Bear race?

Ready Teddy Go.

___________________________________

Why do elephants wear running shoes?

For running, of course.

__________________________________

How do you start a firefly race?

Ready, set, glow!

_____________________________________

What runs but never moves?

A fence.

_______________________________________

Why did the bald man take up running?

To get some fresh 'air.

____________________________________

Did you hear about the hopeless athlete?

He ran a bath and came in second.

______________________________________

View · by **easy_as_** » 11 Dec 2006, 19:18

Hayley wrote:Sigh........

Okay then:

Why did Al Jolson get so nervous before a show?
He suffered from pre-minstrel tension.

Brrrr-tish. I zankeeewww

Ho-ho-Hayley

Was he worried they would melt in his hand or something ?
The candy crisp shell is designed to specifically prevent that from happening . . .
:shock: